I was given a Flip camera for work months ago. I used it with my students (GREAT for tracking progress for some kids!) and, when I got my new position, tossed it in my camera bag during the move from office to office so it wouldn't get lost or crushed in my 7+ boxes of stuff plus the bonanza of stuff in my new office. Fast forward to yesterday, when I remembered that I had tossed it into the camera bag and it really should be at work. So I dug it out and, just for fun, I turned it on. Of course, it didn't work. I spent 10 minutes rummaging around in 2 camera bags and 2 drawers looking for the charger. I concluded the charger must be at work. Today-I spent 10 minutes looking in various boxes and cabinets and drawers for the charger.
Finally, I found the box. Inside-NO charger.
10 more minutes spent looking for the charger. 10 minutes panicking that I lost the charger, wondering if I could buy a new one and how much it would be.
I was out of options, I looked in every single place it should be-and some it shouldn't. I was about to conclude I overlooked the charger at home-necessitating another search party at home...when it finally dawned on me.
It takes (nonrechargable) batteries.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Dreary
It's Spring on the calendar...but not outside...and not inside either.
The days are cloudy and cold here still. That's just not right.
Last year, after Snowmageddon, we were blessed with a summer-like spring. I clearly remember being in shorts, eating ice cream and marveling at the HUGE snowpile still melting in a mall parking lot.
This year, my mood matches the weather--dreary.
I am trying to shake it....but not really succeeding.
I am tired and, while I have energy, I have no desire to move. My couch sucks me in. I have always procrastinated...now, I am beyond procrastinating into blatant having no desire to do what needs done until there is motivation (like no clothes left to wear before doing laundry...or, case-in-point-taxes-which sit there staring at me.)
I want to walk...and run...and I can't. Oh-not from the drearyness...but from some mild ache in my hip-sciatica we think. It makes my inner thigh on one side tight. I am pretty sure I have the cause of it pinned down (new job-long drive + sitting all day in small chairs with no break)...now for resolving the issue.
When I don't have pain, I walk...sometimes. Others I talk myself out of it...enjoy the ache-free day I tell myself...but regret it later.
The tiredness is partially from my new position. I enjoy it...but I am playing catch-up in a position that has more work daily...
Of course, I know the real reason for my mood. The weather is just not helping matters.
When it is sunny-I go outside. I feel better. I really do.
It's the only thing that helps shake this right now...
The days are cloudy and cold here still. That's just not right.
Last year, after Snowmageddon, we were blessed with a summer-like spring. I clearly remember being in shorts, eating ice cream and marveling at the HUGE snowpile still melting in a mall parking lot.
This year, my mood matches the weather--dreary.
I am trying to shake it....but not really succeeding.
I am tired and, while I have energy, I have no desire to move. My couch sucks me in. I have always procrastinated...now, I am beyond procrastinating into blatant having no desire to do what needs done until there is motivation (like no clothes left to wear before doing laundry...or, case-in-point-taxes-which sit there staring at me.)
I want to walk...and run...and I can't. Oh-not from the drearyness...but from some mild ache in my hip-sciatica we think. It makes my inner thigh on one side tight. I am pretty sure I have the cause of it pinned down (new job-long drive + sitting all day in small chairs with no break)...now for resolving the issue.
When I don't have pain, I walk...sometimes. Others I talk myself out of it...enjoy the ache-free day I tell myself...but regret it later.
The tiredness is partially from my new position. I enjoy it...but I am playing catch-up in a position that has more work daily...
Of course, I know the real reason for my mood. The weather is just not helping matters.
When it is sunny-I go outside. I feel better. I really do.
It's the only thing that helps shake this right now...
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Random Blah
I started my new position and it is everything I thought it would be. I love being in one place-having all my materials there. The kids are great-most what I consider with a "typical delay"....a few really challenging. Really. challenging. I have several students who are non-verbal with severe autism. One child is globally delayed and completely blind. A couple kids have behavior problems in addition to their delays. Kids who deliberately throw sand at me, try to hit me, etc. while smiling and smirking. Just the challenge I wanted. I am learning to think big-but start small. I was lucky this week-many students were absent, so I got to know many of my students without the time crunch schedule I have most days. I am still trying to clean up things from my old position-and have several tasks that need immediate attention in the new one- so juggling tasks from both jobs is stressful. But climbing into my clean car carrying only my lunch box and computer makes the stress magically disappear.
My dog, Chloe, has been to the Vet twice in seven days for things other than check-ups. She has a growth on her gums. Right now it isn't interfering with eating, but it needs to be removed. The doc thinks it isn't something worrisome, but until it is gone and test results confirm that-we are worried enough so we scheduled the surgery for St. Patrick's day.
Chloe didn't like that we said yes to surgery apparently-since she hates all things vet related- and promptly pulled several muscles in her neck while playing with the husband-resulting in another vet visit, a shot and 2 bottles of really good drugs-effectively canceling her surgery for awhile until all the medications leave her system-over a month from now. Oh-and she gets a heating pad a few times a day to relax her even more. So now she is drugged up-but moving much better. I hate seeing her in pain.
I have been having some ups and downs lately....more downs than ups. The bad days are farther apart...but when they happen they sneak up and knock me over. I am frustrated with my body. Of course, I have been for years-but lately the fact that it lets me down monthly is so magnified. It hasn't helped that a coworker had her baby recently. It really doesn't help that I clearly remember the last time I saw her...at 21 weeks-right where I should be now. I was hiding the fact that I was pregnant...but the fact that I was actually asking her questions about her pregnancy (something I clearly avoided before) did not go unnoticed, I found out later. I am really happy for her-but clearly wish it was me.
On a related note, Dear Ben. If you really are getting married-could you please change your supposed wedding date. That date is not one I want to hear or see over and over again.
I am being called for jury duty. I am not happy about this. It isn't that I don't like our justice system. I do. I believe in it. My reasons for hating jury duty are selfish ones. First, the day I am to report is a day off for me. I think if I have to be at jury duty it should not be on my first day off in 3 months. Secondly, I hate going into downtown Pittsburgh. Loathe it. and going at the crack of dawn (I am so not a morning person)-even worse. Can't stand the thought of driving into Pittsburgh...and never have ridden the T since it became the T vs Trolley. What? I moved away for years people-and the husband and I have procrastinated about jumping on and having a fin day on it. Personally, I don't want my first ride to be under duress of where do I get off. How much is it. Do I have exact change? DO they even take cash? What T do I get on. omg. What if I get lost and arrive late? Finally, I truly do not have the personality for jury duty. While not clinically diagnosed with ADHD (which my brother has)-I have some of the traits-and probably would be diagnosed if I actually pursued it. I cannot sit still. I cannot pay attention that long without some distraction-tv, texting, reading. talking. I just cannot do this. Tedious tasks like courtroom stuff make me jiggly and wiggly and omg get me out of there. I cannot focus on one thing at a time while passively sitting. I watch tv and read or surf the web. That's one of the reasons I don't have a desk job. Oh-and do not even tell me that I might be on a jury that stays in session for an extended period of time. If I miss my students therapy-there are no subs. None. and every parent that complains will be awarded compensatory time. and guess who will be responsible for finding time for that. ME. Not my fault but I will be 'punished' for it anyway. Not fair at all.
Spring, please come soon. I need some sunshine and warmth to wipe away this dark mood...
My dog, Chloe, has been to the Vet twice in seven days for things other than check-ups. She has a growth on her gums. Right now it isn't interfering with eating, but it needs to be removed. The doc thinks it isn't something worrisome, but until it is gone and test results confirm that-we are worried enough so we scheduled the surgery for St. Patrick's day.
Chloe didn't like that we said yes to surgery apparently-since she hates all things vet related- and promptly pulled several muscles in her neck while playing with the husband-resulting in another vet visit, a shot and 2 bottles of really good drugs-effectively canceling her surgery for awhile until all the medications leave her system-over a month from now. Oh-and she gets a heating pad a few times a day to relax her even more. So now she is drugged up-but moving much better. I hate seeing her in pain.
I have been having some ups and downs lately....more downs than ups. The bad days are farther apart...but when they happen they sneak up and knock me over. I am frustrated with my body. Of course, I have been for years-but lately the fact that it lets me down monthly is so magnified. It hasn't helped that a coworker had her baby recently. It really doesn't help that I clearly remember the last time I saw her...at 21 weeks-right where I should be now. I was hiding the fact that I was pregnant...but the fact that I was actually asking her questions about her pregnancy (something I clearly avoided before) did not go unnoticed, I found out later. I am really happy for her-but clearly wish it was me.
On a related note, Dear Ben. If you really are getting married-could you please change your supposed wedding date. That date is not one I want to hear or see over and over again.
I am being called for jury duty. I am not happy about this. It isn't that I don't like our justice system. I do. I believe in it. My reasons for hating jury duty are selfish ones. First, the day I am to report is a day off for me. I think if I have to be at jury duty it should not be on my first day off in 3 months. Secondly, I hate going into downtown Pittsburgh. Loathe it. and going at the crack of dawn (I am so not a morning person)-even worse. Can't stand the thought of driving into Pittsburgh...and never have ridden the T since it became the T vs Trolley. What? I moved away for years people-and the husband and I have procrastinated about jumping on and having a fin day on it. Personally, I don't want my first ride to be under duress of where do I get off. How much is it. Do I have exact change? DO they even take cash? What T do I get on. omg. What if I get lost and arrive late? Finally, I truly do not have the personality for jury duty. While not clinically diagnosed with ADHD (which my brother has)-I have some of the traits-and probably would be diagnosed if I actually pursued it. I cannot sit still. I cannot pay attention that long without some distraction-tv, texting, reading. talking. I just cannot do this. Tedious tasks like courtroom stuff make me jiggly and wiggly and omg get me out of there. I cannot focus on one thing at a time while passively sitting. I watch tv and read or surf the web. That's one of the reasons I don't have a desk job. Oh-and do not even tell me that I might be on a jury that stays in session for an extended period of time. If I miss my students therapy-there are no subs. None. and every parent that complains will be awarded compensatory time. and guess who will be responsible for finding time for that. ME. Not my fault but I will be 'punished' for it anyway. Not fair at all.
Spring, please come soon. I need some sunshine and warmth to wipe away this dark mood...
Monday, February 21, 2011
Things to miss
The other day I posted about my impending transfer and why I chose to take it. You can read it here.
Here is the other side of the issue:
I have a week or so and then I start my new position. I'm looking forward to it...but at the same time I am feeling sad for what I am losing.
The students I have now are great. Some I have been instrumental in teaching them to talk. From no words to complete sentences. Pushing and prodding each word and sound-encouraging parents to incorporate repetition of new skills with their children. Soothing weary parents who just don't know why their kid doesn't talk-afraid their child never will. Ignoring the looks of disbelief when I tell them things will happen. Keep going. Keep working. I can see progress even if they can't. Loving the looks when they finally believe me. Those students-the ones I have invested so much thought into-are the ones I will miss the most. Of course, there are the 3 little girls (in separate schools) who all hug me as soon as they see me. Their eyes light up. They say, "Miss Lisa I missed you!" There is the shy boy who changed preschools and when I went to his new school the absolute relief in his eyes at seeing a familiar person brought tears to my eyes. These are the moments I treasure.
Their parents are also great. They are involved with their children. They follow through with my suggestions. They get it. They are friendly. Every single one of them has my home phone number and can call me anytime. They are as much a part of their child's progress as I am-and they know it.
I have a good reputation among my preschools and families. Teachers have no trouble talking to me, listening to my suggestions and allowing me freely in their classrooms. In fact, there are several preschools that don't allow "others" in during special days (1st days of school, parties, etc.) but they trust that I will blend into the wallpaper-and not single out a child or have the child miss anything. For me, special events are prime times to observe progress. I have parents choose preschools because they know I will work with their child if they attend this one versus that one. I have had phone calls out-of-the-blue because a new family was referred by an old family and they want to know how to get me to see their child. I have one parent who moved to another county and drove her child (an hours drive) twice a week for 6 months until her house sold (and she could no longer claim my county as residence) so she could have therapy with me. It's nice to be liked. It's ego building and when I am having a bad day I don't have to look far to find something to remind me that I will win over a difficult parent, find "the key" to this child or to just trust that I am providing the appropriate therapy even though I feel "stuck" or inadequate in the moment. (fyi-I in no way think I am perfect...or even great. I'm running on instinct much of the time. I have my weak areas-the things I would do differently if I could. I'm a good therapist who cares and enjoys learning-so I keep up with therapy techniques and pay to attend conferences to better my skills-something many of my coworkers just don't do. Right now I am trying to figure out how to attend a very expensive training-I'll eventually do it--some how, some way.)
I will miss the freedom an itinerant position gives. Right now, I can go the long way to my next site, windows down, sun streaming in. (ok-maybe not right now-but in warm weather I can). I can run quick errand that is on the way. In the summer, I have a reduced caseload because kids are on vacation. I know where there is wiggle room in my schedule-if I am running late in the morning?-No problem. I will catch up. This is especially handy when a doctors appt runs over-or I need to leave a few minutes early.
I can't believe I am giving this all up....That I voluntarily want another challenge.
But I am...and I do.
It is more about me being the best therapist in the end that I can be-and to be that I have to challenge myself. I enjoy learning. I enjoy challenges. I enjoy mastering a particular problem.
This position will bring kids with more challenges. Different ones. Challenging ones.
I thrive on this.
Remind me of this when I am overwhelmed in a couple weeks....
Here is the other side of the issue:
I have a week or so and then I start my new position. I'm looking forward to it...but at the same time I am feeling sad for what I am losing.
The students I have now are great. Some I have been instrumental in teaching them to talk. From no words to complete sentences. Pushing and prodding each word and sound-encouraging parents to incorporate repetition of new skills with their children. Soothing weary parents who just don't know why their kid doesn't talk-afraid their child never will. Ignoring the looks of disbelief when I tell them things will happen. Keep going. Keep working. I can see progress even if they can't. Loving the looks when they finally believe me. Those students-the ones I have invested so much thought into-are the ones I will miss the most. Of course, there are the 3 little girls (in separate schools) who all hug me as soon as they see me. Their eyes light up. They say, "Miss Lisa I missed you!" There is the shy boy who changed preschools and when I went to his new school the absolute relief in his eyes at seeing a familiar person brought tears to my eyes. These are the moments I treasure.
Their parents are also great. They are involved with their children. They follow through with my suggestions. They get it. They are friendly. Every single one of them has my home phone number and can call me anytime. They are as much a part of their child's progress as I am-and they know it.
I have a good reputation among my preschools and families. Teachers have no trouble talking to me, listening to my suggestions and allowing me freely in their classrooms. In fact, there are several preschools that don't allow "others" in during special days (1st days of school, parties, etc.) but they trust that I will blend into the wallpaper-and not single out a child or have the child miss anything. For me, special events are prime times to observe progress. I have parents choose preschools because they know I will work with their child if they attend this one versus that one. I have had phone calls out-of-the-blue because a new family was referred by an old family and they want to know how to get me to see their child. I have one parent who moved to another county and drove her child (an hours drive) twice a week for 6 months until her house sold (and she could no longer claim my county as residence) so she could have therapy with me. It's nice to be liked. It's ego building and when I am having a bad day I don't have to look far to find something to remind me that I will win over a difficult parent, find "the key" to this child or to just trust that I am providing the appropriate therapy even though I feel "stuck" or inadequate in the moment. (fyi-I in no way think I am perfect...or even great. I'm running on instinct much of the time. I have my weak areas-the things I would do differently if I could. I'm a good therapist who cares and enjoys learning-so I keep up with therapy techniques and pay to attend conferences to better my skills-something many of my coworkers just don't do. Right now I am trying to figure out how to attend a very expensive training-I'll eventually do it--some how, some way.)
I will miss the freedom an itinerant position gives. Right now, I can go the long way to my next site, windows down, sun streaming in. (ok-maybe not right now-but in warm weather I can). I can run quick errand that is on the way. In the summer, I have a reduced caseload because kids are on vacation. I know where there is wiggle room in my schedule-if I am running late in the morning?-No problem. I will catch up. This is especially handy when a doctors appt runs over-or I need to leave a few minutes early.
I can't believe I am giving this all up....That I voluntarily want another challenge.
But I am...and I do.
It is more about me being the best therapist in the end that I can be-and to be that I have to challenge myself. I enjoy learning. I enjoy challenges. I enjoy mastering a particular problem.
This position will bring kids with more challenges. Different ones. Challenging ones.
I thrive on this.
Remind me of this when I am overwhelmed in a couple weeks....
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Boredom
I am bored.
It's still winter, and I know a good part of this boredom is related to that. I hate the cold and cloudy weather. I want to be outside. I want to dig in the dirt and grow things. I want to wake up to sunshine and birds singing. I want to walk and run in the fresh (warm) air. This year, the boredom is sharper. I wander around the house searching for something to spark some interest.
I can only tolerate surfing the internet, reading blogs and staring at the walls for so long. TV has little appeal, perhaps because I only have a few shows I like anymore. Maybe it's because the husband watches sports non-stop and I end up dvr-ing my shows and watching them weekend mornings.
I love to read, but lately even reading doesn't have the same kind of draw as it usually does. I like to cook, but have no interest in food. I eat but don't find comfort from it like I usually do.
The husband's IBS is flaring up from all the stress lately, so he usually just wants to sit on the couch and watch TV. I just can't do that. But I don't want to go out either. It's cold. I don't want to shop. I don't want to clean.
I don't want to DO anything...yet I'm bored doing nothing.
It's still winter, and I know a good part of this boredom is related to that. I hate the cold and cloudy weather. I want to be outside. I want to dig in the dirt and grow things. I want to wake up to sunshine and birds singing. I want to walk and run in the fresh (warm) air. This year, the boredom is sharper. I wander around the house searching for something to spark some interest.
I can only tolerate surfing the internet, reading blogs and staring at the walls for so long. TV has little appeal, perhaps because I only have a few shows I like anymore. Maybe it's because the husband watches sports non-stop and I end up dvr-ing my shows and watching them weekend mornings.
I love to read, but lately even reading doesn't have the same kind of draw as it usually does. I like to cook, but have no interest in food. I eat but don't find comfort from it like I usually do.
The husband's IBS is flaring up from all the stress lately, so he usually just wants to sit on the couch and watch TV. I just can't do that. But I don't want to go out either. It's cold. I don't want to shop. I don't want to clean.
I don't want to DO anything...yet I'm bored doing nothing.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Squeak!
For all of her 11.4 years, Chloe (our dachshund) has been obsessed with Tennis balls. She loves them. Loves! Them! She can smell one 50 feet away-she was constantly finding them in bushes and shrubs around tennis courts in Florida. We knew that if Chloe suddenly exhibited the classic dachshund stubborness and pulled us in a straight line toward dark foliage a tennis ball had been detected. She has found or been given easily a couple hundred in 11 years. However, her obsession is one of the "pull off the yellow fuzz and eat it" variety. Sure, she loves to chase it..but eventually the fuzz is just too hard for her to ignore. For this reason we have to limit her access. She knows this and has been known to spend time at the bottom of out refrigerator (where we keep one) practicing Jedi mind tricks. Heaven help us if she perfects it.
For the first time ever, my husband has found something (other than food) that rivals the "yellow round spherical object"-as it is referred to in our house because Chloe knows the word "ball."
Meet Squeak!:
Chloe loves Squeak! She shakes him and loves on him.
Squeak! has 2 squeakers in him. One in his head and one in his tail. Chloe is determined to get those squeakers out.
But what about her Tennis ball? Is Squeak! the new love of her life? Let's see...
Giving her the choice:
At first, it seemed like Tennis ball would be her first and only love:
But Wait! She changed her mind!:
Or did she? She contemplates the situation:
THE decision:
She wants her cake and eat it, too.
For the first time ever, my husband has found something (other than food) that rivals the "yellow round spherical object"-as it is referred to in our house because Chloe knows the word "ball."
Meet Squeak!:
Chloe loves Squeak! She shakes him and loves on him.
Squeak! has 2 squeakers in him. One in his head and one in his tail. Chloe is determined to get those squeakers out.
But what about her Tennis ball? Is Squeak! the new love of her life? Let's see...
Giving her the choice:
At first, it seemed like Tennis ball would be her first and only love:
But Wait! She changed her mind!:
Or did she? She contemplates the situation:
THE decision:
She wants her cake and eat it, too.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
What road do we go down?
Lately, my husband and I have been grappling with what we should do next.
Do we try to get pregnant again naturally?
Do we look into IVF?
Do we continue to inch toward adoption?
None of these decisions are easy. With option 1, we are more than likely to fail and endure more heartbreak. But then again, I did get pregnant naturally-so something is possible. But how long do we try before we move onto something else?
IVF isn't a sure thing...and, while every penny is worth it if it results in a baby, draining our newly acquired savings and still ending up empty-handed scares me. Also, my doctor already warned me that the Reproductive Endocrinologists may demand I use donor eggs due to my age (I am on the border of the average age they require them). I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I might agree to use donor eggs if they agree to harvest my eggs, and do a FSH test (genetics) on resulting embyos and implant those as well.
Adoption has been on our minds for awhile. It is never seems to be the the right time--well, one of us would adopt tomorrow, and one if us is more hesitant and wants to wait for certain things to happen first. Also, do we struggle with adoption from foster care or go overseas? I have no illusions about adopting a newborn here in the US. It won't happen. It's a flawed system.
It's such a hard decision. Time is short.
I wish I had a crystal ball. A glimpse into the future. A sign with "pick me" hanging over the "right" choice.
Do we try to get pregnant again naturally?
Do we look into IVF?
Do we continue to inch toward adoption?
None of these decisions are easy. With option 1, we are more than likely to fail and endure more heartbreak. But then again, I did get pregnant naturally-so something is possible. But how long do we try before we move onto something else?
IVF isn't a sure thing...and, while every penny is worth it if it results in a baby, draining our newly acquired savings and still ending up empty-handed scares me. Also, my doctor already warned me that the Reproductive Endocrinologists may demand I use donor eggs due to my age (I am on the border of the average age they require them). I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I might agree to use donor eggs if they agree to harvest my eggs, and do a FSH test (genetics) on resulting embyos and implant those as well.
Adoption has been on our minds for awhile. It is never seems to be the the right time--well, one of us would adopt tomorrow, and one if us is more hesitant and wants to wait for certain things to happen first. Also, do we struggle with adoption from foster care or go overseas? I have no illusions about adopting a newborn here in the US. It won't happen. It's a flawed system.
It's such a hard decision. Time is short.
I wish I had a crystal ball. A glimpse into the future. A sign with "pick me" hanging over the "right" choice.
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