Friday, August 30, 2013

Quickie update

I am so sorry not to update this blog sooner--I know a few people actually still read this and want to know...
We still have The Toddler!!!
The July hearing was cancelled (and there was still major was d-r-a-m-a involved...omg) Then certain people who know better and had their own God Complex agenda tried to have her placed with this new family anyway....but there was no f-ing reason for this--we take wonderful care of her (so said by every single person (including the bio mom and the God Complex people) and "the law" recognized this- so she stayed for next court date-August--which was cancelled again (no drama-was a technical issue)
SO Court is not until in OCTOBER!!

In the mean time---we had to be interviewed and evaluated by someone who looks at child's best interest...and the "glowing report of us" (so says the toddler's lawyer as we are not given access to the report) says she should not be moved--anywhere. Ever.

We fought and climbed the ladder-supervisor, director, etc--and we think positive results have come of it. (Squeaky wheel and inept (inexperienced?) caseworkers who don't think I will remember word-for-word what was said...and report it to their supervisors) Our main concern has always been the Toddler--she needs as little disruption in her life as possible. We still don't have permenancy for her. She still could leave us. She still might. But until permanent decisions are made-she needs the security of knowing where she will sleep each night-and who will be there when she wakes up.

We have been told that we now have full support of everyone (system-wise) and the other family is no longer being considered....but time will tell. We don't trust the system one bit..... For all we know there is some nefarious sh*t going on...

However, for now--we are happy and enjoying life as a family! We have had a great (as much as we can with this crappy cool, rainy weather this year--I love love love me some 90+ sunny weather...and so far-that happened a few days in MAY and that is all) summer--
We went to the Zoo. We played outside. We swam.

I bought some fall clothes for her....and am optimistically looking for a Halloween costume (Ladybug or Minnie mouse) and a winter coat.

She is gaining a, um, personality. We call her Grabby Abby as she has her hands on everything-I swear she can stretch like inspector gadget. And the minute we turn our back she is into something she knows she is not allowed to be. Then when we catch her she pretends that she wasn't doing it--SO funny! We love all of it-frustrating as it can be...we love it all.

Life as a parent is everything I dreamed it would be...

Thursday, July 4, 2013

from bad to worse

We will be losing her. We are 99.9% sure. It isn't to the family member, which makes this so much harder and unbelievable. The system is underhanded. They lied to us, manipulated us and deliberately sabotaged our hopes.

After promising us (verbally) we would be her adoptive famiky (barring any family that stepped forward and could pass a homestudy) they gave bio mom some profiles of families for her to choose from. We know why we were not chosen because the mother called and told us very bluntly--the system couldn't tell us her reason because that would be endorsing it and let's just say it would be illegal.
Why they even allowed her to choose is a mystery to most-including supervisors. But the damage is done. She met the family and "loves them". No matter what underhanded things happened the fact is the system has no choice but to back the family.

We were kept in the dark. Never had a clue this was happening. Met with workers multiple times this week. Saw worker at 11:45 and everything seemed good. Got a call at 1pm that this was happening.

We are devastated.

We will know more Monday.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Update-The Good and the Bad

I know, I know..I have been MIA just when things are finally looking up!

So-things are busy busy! We are loving having the Toddler. She is the light of our days-and life. Adjusting has been easy-but not without exhaustion and tears on all our parts-but in a good way mostly!

Our home is messy-and I don't care. I watch Sprout all day some days-and am actually claiming to be improving my career (both as a Mom and in work since all my kids watch these shows. I can actually name a train or 2 besides Thomas!!

She is happy and loving and squeals in delight and comes running now when one of us returns from work (or when we have a training and she goes in the agency daycare).

We have settled into a comfortable routine consisting of--play, eat, park and sleep.

Things are not going well, however, on the legal side of things....A family member came forward and now there is is a good possibility that we will lose The Toddler to her.

We can't catch a break can we?

So we wait. Hold our breaths. And prepare for the worst news ever. (but how does one prepare-our hearts will shatter no matter how much we "prepare"). It isn't like we didn't know this was a (remote) possibility...

In the meantime, we are enjoying our days as if she will be ours for sure-because life is never certain.

I will update when I can. I have some cute stories to share as well.

Thursday, May 23, 2013


As I write this I am waiting for my husband to finish getting ready. We are on our way to pick up the toddler from this post!

She will be our foster daughter--with plans to file for parental rights termination looming---and then ADOPT!

It has been a crazy few weeks-being told last week we were done. Basically to forget about her. Then this week....things changed!

There (as always in this crazy system) are complications and still the possibility we could lose her but everyone *thinks* that won't happen and she will be ours forever!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Maybe Not

We had a great week visiting the toddler mentioned in my last post. We even had an overnight visit.

Everything was in place. A plan for moving to our care....

And the judge said, "No."

I can't go into details. Reunification with parents is the focus even after almost 20 months and no progress on their part. Sadly, only those who make the big decisions think this is a good plan.

May be next court date, they say. Maybe Not.

We are back on Emergency placement list.

The saying "always a bridesmaid...never a bride" seems to tell the story of our quest to be parents.

Thursday, April 11, 2013


Sometime next week we will hear if a toddler is coming to live with us under pre-adoptive status.

Everything looks good-but we have been here before.

Trying not to get too excited although THIS is the closest we have ever been to finding our child....

Everything hinges on the judge.

Stay Tuned....

Saturday, March 30, 2013

What's New??

What's new?

It is Spring! Finally! and the sunshine outside makes me think it might really be here...

I started walking again....eating better...blah blah blah.

After a traumatic visit to the vet (annual exam-she just HATES the vet-any vet and nothing helps) our 13 year old dachshund probably has Cushings Disease. The good news is she only has mild symptoms and is not "sick". She is happy (now that she is home and well spoiled). It is treatable with medication. The bad news-she is definitely getting older and this will mean more vet visits..

We opened our home to Emergency Foster Care. I am sure our hearts will be full-and broken before all is said and done.

Waiting on that first call...

Friday, March 8, 2013


Dusting off the cobwebs yet again....

Still here. Still frustrated by the foster care system.

Trying to focus but not always achieving--but that is what a goal is about-striving for it. I have had some success. So there is that.

I could ramble on here for a loooong time about trying for 6 weeks to set up visits for a foster child in my school. we wanted to help. She is in a bad situation. Made worse by a chaotic foster home. We wanted to provide respite, then agreed to transitional placement with multiple visits first.
Very long story full of bureauocracy later we were heartbroken when we had to refuse to place her in our home.

Unfortunately, when we were finally granted a visit-we figured out that she was too traumatized-the wounds ran too deep- for our care. That she didn't "just" need a quiet, loving home free of other children....she needs that...but SO MUCH more. We tried. We really gave it everything.
We just saw something that made us realize that placement would fail if we took her right then.

We were lied to. We were strung along for weeks. And when finally things started to come together-a visit to our house--it wasn't enough. We asked for more time. More visits (because the something came up near the end of that one lonely visit). We had a plan. A good one. It may not have worked. But we had a plan. Moreover, We wanted it to work. WE wanted HER.

We were denied another visit. Told take her that day or we were done. We had tried for 6 WEEKS to set up multiple visits-always canceled by them for inane reasons at the last fucking minute (literally!). And then they say there is no more time.

We are done. It would not be fair to her to bring her here to fail. It would not be fair to us to bring her here knowing she would escalate and traumatize us as well.

Yet I am heartbroken. She is a broken little girl who needs someone....the system is failing her....

and I wonder where she is sleeping tonight...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


Last year I stumbled upon a new kind of New Years Resolution. One Word. I was intrigued. And then I forgot about it. Someone I know raved about a book called My One Word. I put it on request at the library and forgot about it.
Then, again at New Years, I stumbled on a website which was a part of this One Word movement. Ironically, the library book I requested came in just after New Years. And I was hooked.

Every year I set New Years resolutions for myself. Every year my list was some variation of this: Grow my nails long, lose weight, exercise more, get organized, take better pictures, learn to use my camera, scrapbook all those pictures, better work paperwork, have a systematic approach to my speech therapy, have a kid, check into fertility treatments, adopt a kid, get financially sound, etc. etc. etc. Do you know how many of those resolutions I just listed I actually achieved? not very many-and never the first year on my list. Life happened.


That is my word for the year. THAT is what this new concept is about. Don't make a list of resolutions.

BE the resolution.

Pick a word. One word.

A word that represents the change you want in your life. Live that word all year.


My life feels scattered and unorganized. I struggle with doing things. I get distracted. I leave things unfinished. I flit from one thing to another, rarely finishing one before starting another, or 3.


This is something I need desperately in my life. The ability to focus on one thing. Not to be playing words with friends, reading blogs, on facebook, talking to my husband and watching TV all at the same time-which just described my normal night. My days and nights blur. Weekends go by with nothing accomplished on my to-do list, yet nothing stands out as having stood in the way most days-no fun, no outings, no crisis. nothing. FOCUS is clearly needed here.

At work, I have at least 17 projects started. And paperwork. Only those with a deadline get finished. I procrastinate, I talk to teachers (about work stuff, but still-we have the same conversation about the same kids doing the same thing and what should we do and if I need to FOCUS on work. Not scatter myself around it.

I need to Live in THIS moment. Work on ONE thing and FINISH it. Be present and not scattered everywhere.

My word for the year is FOCUS. At the end of the year, my hope is to feel less scattered and much more focused--and that other things-things that would typically be "on my list" for New Year's Resolutions-will move along-or not...but that THIS year I will FOCUS on living my life and loving what happens because of it.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2012-My year in books

I read almost 70 books this year-I wish there was a way to tally all the blogs I read, too. That would account for 100 books total-I am sure! I seem to spend more time on the computer "reading" than actually reading books. This upcoming year I do have a solution, though! My sweet husband gave me a Kindle Fire! So books are always at my fingertips! I am sure I will top 100 books this way!
So on to the list:
Favorite book of the year: Ready, Player One by Earnest Cline
Favorite Classic: Pride and Prejudice
Favorite new (to me) series: The Fever Series, by Karen Marie Moning, Actually, the audiobooks are awesome! So listen to them if you can.
Favorite Book Club book: In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote
Other recommended reads The girl with the Dragon Tattoo series, Steig Larsen Little Women, Louisa May Alcott Graceling, Kristin Cashore Life of Pi, Yann Martel (This was a very good audiobook) His Majesty's Dragon (listen on audiobook!) Pillars of the Earth
Receommended for SLP's: Carly's Voice: Breaking through Autism, Aurthur Fleischmann (makes me look at my students with autism and go hmmm...)

****The interesting thing about my entire list is every book-All of my favorites-except Graceling, In Cold Blood and Carly's Voice-were "read" in audiobook format. I can say that this format greatly enhances books as I tried to read Little Women and Life of Pi in the past and they didn't appeal to me...but as audiobooks they were wonderful.

Here are all of my reads for 2012:

Lisa's bookshelf: read-2012