Sunday, January 9, 2011

This was supposed to be a different post.

My last post was full of hope.  It was about the new year.  It was full of happy thoughts. I wrote this:

I plan on continuing to eat healthy, exercise regularly, spend wisely, decrease debt, increase savings and do things that make me happy and build my happy family.  
I want to take more pictures, learn to use my new photo editing software, continue reading great books and clean that basement.
I want my walls to have framed photos on them-not just in my computer. 

Above all-I want 2011 to be a wonderfully happy and memorable year.

In less than a week my happy little world collapsed.  The cause of my happiness was simple.  You see, after years of infertility-of no hope of getting pregnant-somehow, someway-I was.

I was 11 weeks pregnant when I wrote my new years post.  We had seen the baby. We had seen the heartbeating.  I was feeling some symptoms and getting a little belly.  We were happy and excited and in awe of our miracle.  

I was waiting for my 12 week appointment and ultrasound so I could share the joy bursting in my heart.  I had multiple posts already written and ready.  The joy. The thrill of tearing down of walls built by years of childlessness NOT by choice.

It wasn't meant to be.  Just 2 days before my week 12 appointment, I had a miscarriage. 

My world is raw and painful now.  My hope and happiness gone.

15 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry. Infertility is an exhausting roller coaster that I wish no one had to ride.

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  2. I am so, so sorry. If there is anything I can do, anything at all, just say the word.

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  3. I am so very sorry. So very sorry just doesn't seem to cut it, but I am. Praying for peace that passes all understanding.

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  4. I am so very, very sorry... I experienced nearly the same time frame one and half years ago...
    My heart goes out to you. Please feel free to contact me at ANY time should you need to. ♥

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  5. I am so very sorry for your loss. Hold on to each other and know there are lots of virtual friends praying for your healing.

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  6. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  7. I don't know you - I linked over through a friend - but my heart is hurting for you. Wishing you every measure of peace and the hope of miracles yet to come...

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  8. love and hugs for you from an internet stranger in this rough time - I can't even imagine. ♥

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  9. So sorry. I cry for you and pray for you.

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  10. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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  11. 3 years ago was my first mis-carriage, and although I did get pregnant again...they were the longest months of my life until I did. Every month when my cycle just continued on as normal I became more OBSESSED with becoming pregnant. We still grieve for our lost little one, but every time our son makes me smile (which is ALL day) I have to remember that I couldn't have had them both.

    Praying 2011 will be kind and the months short until you conceive again.

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  12. I am so, so, so sad and sorry. I've never had a miscarriage, because we were never able to conceive. I ache for you and ache for the pain that is infertility. It sucks. Big time. Hugs and prayers right now.

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