Stress...part 1

Summer is supposed to be my down time...My fun time...My relax and don't think about work time.
This summer-is not fun. My mind won't let me relax. I can't stop thinking about work.

There is a very good chance I will be unemployed and without health benefits in 24 days.

The state school system is in serious trouble. Our new governor is cutting over one BILLION dollars to public schools. It means that every school system is cutting back. Furlough are everywhere. Programs are cut. Pay-for-play sports are becoming reality all over the place.

No one is happy about it-not the students, the parents, the employees or administration (but now that I think about it--I see that there are no cuts in administration forthcoming)

Due to multiple factors, my employer is Furloughing over 70 special education teachers. To be announced June 30th. Teachers hired in 2002 were told (by our union) they were "on the borderline" of the cut. I was hired in 2006. I am having a hard time rationalizing this. To have have worked for over 4 years for a school, be tenured and still be on the chopping block (and my coworkers who have worked 5, 6, 7 and more years and are not safe either) is unfathomable to me.

I am the only one employed full-time and with benefits in my house. (and FYI-I do not make a lot of money as a (speech) teacher....I am on a teachers salary--Jump steps are far far far in my future-so far that they will probably be nonexistent when I actually get that far into the salary scale.)

The Stress gets thicker:

Should I be lucky enough to have a job after June 30th-there is a good chance that it won't be the one I have now. The one I love. The one where I make a difference. With the age group I love (preschool). My employer realigns everyone during a furlough-changing positions to absorb the holes left by cuts-meaning they can move me anywhere they want to accommodate someone with more seniority than me.

I don't sleep. I toss and turn. My stomach is in knots.

All I can do is wait for that letter on June 30th. Telling me where to report for work...or not.