Thursday, January 21, 2010

What if they say No?

I have been watching the coverage on the earthquake in Haiti and the successful endeavor to bring the orphans from the BRESMA orphanage to the United States. More than one person has suggested that my husband and I adopt one of the "unmatched" orphans. My response has been level and cool. I don't want to talk about it. Some have wondered why.

OF COURSE we want to adopt one or two or four. OF COURSE WE DO. However, it isn't that simple. First, there are A LOT of people wanting to adopt the 7. Some of them are "adoption-ready" (Home Study complete, etc.). We are not.

Do you know our adoption options? Let me detail them briefly:

1) Foreign adoption. Cost $20,000+ (fees, home study, travel)

2) Domestic newborn adoption: Cost $20,000+ (fees, home study mainly) Oh-and then there is the fact that you have to be chosen by the birth Mom. We will be great parents but even I would choose the parents who can "buy the kid a pony" over the can't afford to be a stay at home Mom (me). We have not been encouraged when we have contacted agencies in the past once we discuss our income and their fees. Not turned away-but not overly encouraging.

3) From Foster Care-fees are nominal. Child must be in foster care for 18 months (?-I just read that somewhere but it may vary state to state) and all relatives must be contacted and either be unfit or turn down the child. Many many kids in foster care have "needs." Needs we are not prepared for. Severe behavior, etc. Most are Elementary school age and older. Most young kids get adopted by their foster parents or go to family members-and all chances are given to birth parents so some kids go back and forth until the parents are deemed unfit.

We are not opposed to any of these options. We would prefer a child in the infant-preschool range-but absolutely not opposed to early elementary school-aged. We don't care about the race of a child. We don't have the money for Options 1 and 2. It can take 2 years to complete any of the processes. We are not sure we will be here in PA. Hubby just graduated and is job hunting. Limbo sucks.

Here it is:

The real reason is I am afraid. Afraid of rejection. My one last hope. What if we are told no. What if we don't measure up. What if we are not good enough. We don't have much money. We need at minimum 6 references. I'm not sure I have 6 friends who meet the qualifications (must know for a period of time, etc.) I could go on and on and on about the things I worry about.

What if they say NO?

I don't think I could handle a final rejection.

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