So--our week with Little Miss was heavenly. She was 2. very 2. Independent, determined, demanding, and oh-so-melt your heart. I actually wrote a paragraph about her stay each night for the first few days...and I intended to post them--but I read them now and cried. I just want to keep them to myself. That week was so perfect. We were parents. We went to the park, to the mall, etc-and when people saw us-they saw a family. I broke down in tears-at the mall- the first time I realized this. The husband didn't have dry eyes either.
We learned a lot that week. Our home-no matter how we tried-wasn't child proofed enough. Our dog acted like an older sibling when you bring home a new baby. She was jealous-wanted to be on me, next to me, under me-but please don't let the little girl touch me or fall on me. But she can feed me from her plate. They both did fine-no matter what we tried Little Miss had to be touching Chloe at all times she was in the room-in reality that, and eating vegetables, were the only things I was unable to get under control (so to speak) of all the very cute climbing, touching, demanding, stubborn 2 year old things that come with a child who doesn't know you and wants to test boundaries. So we just gave the dog breaks (i.e. naps in our bed)-she is almost 13 after all--(and who needs to eat veggies for a week stay anyway).
OMG-and installing a car seat deserves to be an Olympic sport. I am tall. I don't fit in a back seat of most cars. Let;s just say I have never been so contorted and uncomfortable putting that in-and then when it came unhooked-doing it all a second time. And then a third time when Little Miss showed us just how fast she could get out of the harness (needed tightened-which basically means taking it out to tighten. It didn't get any easier to bend my body into that backseat with "practice".
The husband and I watched kids shows all week. She didn't-which is great (from a speech therapist side of things) except when there was singing. I figured I would take the week to watch the shows my students watch. I had never seen Bob the Builder or Thomas the tank engine (yes, I knew who they were). My favorite by far was Lazy Town. I don't know why. Robbie Rotten, I think.-his face was so expressive..and the Icelandic accent. The husband liked it so much he recorded a few episodes to put on when "nothing else" was on. Seriously.
I missed a huge part of the Olympics. Gymnastics is my favorite Summer event. I literally saw the last girls routine each night and one mens routine. That was it. and forget about "on demand viewing" I was tired. Happyily exhausted. Not complaining, though-I would give up TV and sleep completely to be a Mom.
So the week came to an end way too quick-and she left us. It has been a month and we still miss her terribly. Her toys are still out. Her bed is still made. The sippy cups and kid plates are still "in my way". The car seat is still firmly implanted in my car.
We were kind of teased before she came-and after by the agency that she might come live with us permanently (and yes, there were reasons they thought it might happen including an emergency call to us before she came to "take her early" which ended up not happening)....so while she was here we had that in our heads and "a week" might be forever...it was too easy to let ourselves get attached when we thought she might be "ours" someday.
....but as of yesterday, we were told that isn't going to happen.
We are back on THAT rollercoaster
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
A start
Today started our week-long adventure with a two year old girl.We are providing respite care for a foster parent going out of town.
Not sure if this will lead anywhere other than getting our name out more....but
we are in heaven and living a dream, even if for only a week.
Not sure if this will lead anywhere other than getting our name out more....but
we are in heaven and living a dream, even if for only a week.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Roller Coaster
So I have said that we are in process of adopting from foster care. But is is not an easy thing. In fact, if things were different I would probably jump off the foster train and adopt overseas or go through an expensive newborn adoption. Adopting from foster care is easier on the pocketbook-but wow! do you pay in emotional currency.
We had the whole newborn incident. We have had profiles sent to us with teasing info (on the order of "he is cute, smart and just needs a stable home with love to continue improving") so we request more information only to find out that the child has more behaviors than we can handle (like this 4 year old child is severely autistic and has behaviors that cause all doors to have to be dead-bolted in house and someone awake 24/7!-not even exaggerating). The initial information is so misleading. No behaviors mentioned, no diagnosis--nothing. We have been approached about kids needing full organ transplants. While our hearts break for each and every child-we have to decide what is best for us and our family. Severe medical and behavior issues are just not for us. We were beginning to wonder if that was all we would ever be approached about--children with issues beyond our abilities to parent?
Then we were approached about a child with very mild issues. We got excited. We requested more info. We got even more excited. We requested to "go forward." We were interviewed. One of 4 families. We waited and waited and waited and waited. We were turned down. No reason specified. This totally sucks. It was like a job interview. For the job of your life. And we failed. There are few words to describe how sucky this whole process is. You get one shot. One. And you may fail because of something simple. Or not. You don't usually find out why. You just get told they decided to go with someone else. Rejected.
Now we have been approached about an infant. Things sounded good. Great even. Less obstacles. Less hurdles. So we (of course) said Yes.
We were going to get to meet the baby. To "babysit". To move towards placement. It was all set. Just one phone call away.
And then the hurdles started. CYF is putting us (our agency?/us?) off. They said yes, then No. Making them/us stand back.
So now we wait.
Again.
Based on our previous experiences-I don't really have any hope. Babies are very wanted. CYF has their "favorite" families-that discrimination of "their families vs agency families" pops up again-which we have no control over-cyf no longer enrolls families-but they discriminate against agency families and cyf makes the decisions of where children are placed.
I am emotionally drained. My emotions are on a hairpin trigger.
I know I have to ride this roller coaster to the end....
but I don't know how much more I can take...
We had the whole newborn incident. We have had profiles sent to us with teasing info (on the order of "he is cute, smart and just needs a stable home with love to continue improving") so we request more information only to find out that the child has more behaviors than we can handle (like this 4 year old child is severely autistic and has behaviors that cause all doors to have to be dead-bolted in house and someone awake 24/7!-not even exaggerating). The initial information is so misleading. No behaviors mentioned, no diagnosis--nothing. We have been approached about kids needing full organ transplants. While our hearts break for each and every child-we have to decide what is best for us and our family. Severe medical and behavior issues are just not for us. We were beginning to wonder if that was all we would ever be approached about--children with issues beyond our abilities to parent?
Then we were approached about a child with very mild issues. We got excited. We requested more info. We got even more excited. We requested to "go forward." We were interviewed. One of 4 families. We waited and waited and waited and waited. We were turned down. No reason specified. This totally sucks. It was like a job interview. For the job of your life. And we failed. There are few words to describe how sucky this whole process is. You get one shot. One. And you may fail because of something simple. Or not. You don't usually find out why. You just get told they decided to go with someone else. Rejected.
Now we have been approached about an infant. Things sounded good. Great even. Less obstacles. Less hurdles. So we (of course) said Yes.
We were going to get to meet the baby. To "babysit". To move towards placement. It was all set. Just one phone call away.
And then the hurdles started. CYF is putting us (our agency?/us?) off. They said yes, then No. Making them/us stand back.
So now we wait.
Again.
Based on our previous experiences-I don't really have any hope. Babies are very wanted. CYF has their "favorite" families-that discrimination of "their families vs agency families" pops up again-which we have no control over-cyf no longer enrolls families-but they discriminate against agency families and cyf makes the decisions of where children are placed.
I am emotionally drained. My emotions are on a hairpin trigger.
I know I have to ride this roller coaster to the end....
but I don't know how much more I can take...
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Climbing out of a hole
I have been very absent lately from this space. I think every day that I will write-I want to write...but I haven't. I just can't find the words....
I am stressed.....
I have been mired down in work-not only did I have end of the year meetings and paperwork and "oh-one more thing needs done and turned in" emails...we had to pack everything up to be ready to move to our new (smaller, older, not as friendly) building at the same time. I had to sort and pack 30-something years of stuff accumulated by my predecessors! Oh-and still provide all the speech therapy I usually do each week.
Now, I have a couple weeks off-and am trying hard not to think of my stuff all packed and sitting in my new (much smaller, shared) room waiting for me....packing was bad, unpacking is 100 times worse...oh, and then there is the "see all my kids" thing while trying to do that. Of course, I could go in on my time off and unpack....um-NOT! (ok-I went in one day and unpacked my desk--just to give me some small peace of mind)
I am depressed.....
I have also been riding the "waiting for a match" rollercoaster that is the adoption through foster care process. THAT is a post in itself. Let's just say I see why people adopt overseas-but we don't really have the money to explore that option. I am more depressed IN this process that I was before we started. I never thought actually being in process of finding a child to adopt would make me feel this way. But the system in my area just makes it that way. Maybe if I was younger I would not feel this way-but I am over 40-and want to be a Mom. Now. Yesterday. I feel like it's almost too late.... I am still trying to start a family-when so many my age are done.
Thankfully, the weather here has been sunny and hot-just the way I love it. So I have been spending as much time outside as possible. Sunshine and warm weather makes everything better for me. I am planting flowers, weeding and generally sweating my way through this....and consciously trying to climb out of this mood.
I am stressed.....
I have been mired down in work-not only did I have end of the year meetings and paperwork and "oh-one more thing needs done and turned in" emails...we had to pack everything up to be ready to move to our new (smaller, older, not as friendly) building at the same time. I had to sort and pack 30-something years of stuff accumulated by my predecessors! Oh-and still provide all the speech therapy I usually do each week.
Now, I have a couple weeks off-and am trying hard not to think of my stuff all packed and sitting in my new (much smaller, shared) room waiting for me....packing was bad, unpacking is 100 times worse...oh, and then there is the "see all my kids" thing while trying to do that. Of course, I could go in on my time off and unpack....um-NOT! (ok-I went in one day and unpacked my desk--just to give me some small peace of mind)
I am depressed.....
I have also been riding the "waiting for a match" rollercoaster that is the adoption through foster care process. THAT is a post in itself. Let's just say I see why people adopt overseas-but we don't really have the money to explore that option. I am more depressed IN this process that I was before we started. I never thought actually being in process of finding a child to adopt would make me feel this way. But the system in my area just makes it that way. Maybe if I was younger I would not feel this way-but I am over 40-and want to be a Mom. Now. Yesterday. I feel like it's almost too late.... I am still trying to start a family-when so many my age are done.
Thankfully, the weather here has been sunny and hot-just the way I love it. So I have been spending as much time outside as possible. Sunshine and warm weather makes everything better for me. I am planting flowers, weeding and generally sweating my way through this....and consciously trying to climb out of this mood.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Gettysburg
Over my spring break my husband and I decided to spend a few days in Gettysburg. It is almost the perfect place for us. I get to spend all day outside and he gets to indulge in his American War love. I say almost because I would prefer that there was tropical weather and a nearby ocean to unwind at the end of a nature hikes.
I like Gettysburg...the first day or so. I get into the battle and the scenery. But zomg! My husband LOVES this stuff. We tramp all over the battlefields-me looking at scenery-him finding and reading every.last.monument. There are monuments for each state, every battalion, every regiment and I think every last person who fought in the war is represented there (at least it seems that way). Did you know that every ummmmm regiment? has a small marker for their left and right flanks. Yep. And guess who had to find them? Him.
As the official photographer of the family (meaning HANDS OFF MY CAMERA!) I was required to take a picture of every monument that was of interest. To me that means any monument that looks nice-by decoration, statue-something well, interesting. To the husband it meant every one he pointed at. Even Left and Right Flanks-which look like this:
I spent much of the time half listening to my husband and annoying him with how I keep all the facts straight.
Him- "oh look it's General Longstreet"
Me- "oh-You mean Tom Berenger?"
Him- "Chamberlain did this and such"
Me- "He was Jeff Daniels, right?"
Do not get me wrong-I was interested..but the familiar actors helped keep my head straight. History was never my strong subject. I also kind of enjoyed watching his head explode a little.
The rest of the time I took in the scenery and practiced my picture composition skills (Confession: I kept the camera on auto a lot of this trip since at any given moment I had to swing around to shoot another monument-I couldn't focus long enough at a time to focus on learning Shutter and Aperature, etc.). I did try to get a good night shot, since the moon was amazing. I set up my tripod focused on my favorite tree )It has a great shape!) and broke out my new wireless remote-I waited and waited and fiddled with all the settings and took picture after picture. I didn't get a great shot. But it was a learning experience since it was spur of the moment and I had no idea how to get the moon to look as nice at it did in person. Here is the best one:
In the end, I took some pictures I loved. So I had a good time. Here are my favorite pictures:
There is one I will have framed-I think the colors are perfect. Can you guess which one?
I like Gettysburg...the first day or so. I get into the battle and the scenery. But zomg! My husband LOVES this stuff. We tramp all over the battlefields-me looking at scenery-him finding and reading every.last.monument. There are monuments for each state, every battalion, every regiment and I think every last person who fought in the war is represented there (at least it seems that way). Did you know that every ummmmm regiment? has a small marker for their left and right flanks. Yep. And guess who had to find them? Him.
As the official photographer of the family (meaning HANDS OFF MY CAMERA!) I was required to take a picture of every monument that was of interest. To me that means any monument that looks nice-by decoration, statue-something well, interesting. To the husband it meant every one he pointed at. Even Left and Right Flanks-which look like this:
I spent much of the time half listening to my husband and annoying him with how I keep all the facts straight.
Him- "oh look it's General Longstreet"
Me- "oh-You mean Tom Berenger?"
Him- "Chamberlain did this and such"
Me- "He was Jeff Daniels, right?"
Do not get me wrong-I was interested..but the familiar actors helped keep my head straight. History was never my strong subject. I also kind of enjoyed watching his head explode a little.
The rest of the time I took in the scenery and practiced my picture composition skills (Confession: I kept the camera on auto a lot of this trip since at any given moment I had to swing around to shoot another monument-I couldn't focus long enough at a time to focus on learning Shutter and Aperature, etc.). I did try to get a good night shot, since the moon was amazing. I set up my tripod focused on my favorite tree )It has a great shape!) and broke out my new wireless remote-I waited and waited and fiddled with all the settings and took picture after picture. I didn't get a great shot. But it was a learning experience since it was spur of the moment and I had no idea how to get the moon to look as nice at it did in person. Here is the best one:
In the end, I took some pictures I loved. So I had a good time. Here are my favorite pictures:
There is one I will have framed-I think the colors are perfect. Can you guess which one?
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
I already am discourgaed by the system...otherwise known as "At least I have a clean house, now"
So, we are officially licensed foster parents now. I was waiting to tell you when I got the "Official" Paper, however, that seems lost in a shuffle of paperwork on someones desk--believe me, for 7 weeks I have been asking where that paper is and I keep hearing "Everything is done--it will be going out soon"...
However, yesterday we got a call for a newborn placement. Baby boy born recently, going home today. Without going into details-the agency believes this child will eventually be up for adoption based on past history of the family. So we said YES! and I started making a list-things to buy, things to ask--I took advantage of this event and rallied the husband into cleaning the house.
Then then waiting started. Waiting for the social worker to get in touch with Child services, waiting for Child Services to get paperwork on the child. waiting for the caseworker to get that paperwork to the right desk, waiting for them to say we could go pick up baby boy, waiting, waiting, waiting. 24 hours of waiting.
and then we were told we couldn't have the baby.
Child Services used to be the only place to be a foster parent. Then they stopped taking new foster parents and all these agencies were created-We could not foster parent directly with Child Services. We had to go to an agency because of this system. The agencies have all the foster parents now-and child services calls the agencies who in turn find homes for children.
Except that isn't entirely true. Child Services still has their old foster parents. They don't get new ones-but they have all these families willing to foster-it's a direct route. Child services calls them directly to foster-not going through and agency.
So where was I? Oh baby needs a home.
Child Services called our agency because of a sibling....but when that fell through our agency contacted us...
when our agency called with our names Child services said ummmm NO. We will place with one of "our families" because it is cheaper since baby can't go with sibling. Not-"wonderful!, you have a family that is willing to ride this out and provide a one stable home if he is able to be adopted." Just "no thanks--we will place with any of our families because it is cheaper".
So-rollercoaster of a time the last 2 days. Ending on a low....but we are getting a good understanding of how things work-and why everyone complains about the system....
On the bright side-I have a clean house.
Sigh
However, yesterday we got a call for a newborn placement. Baby boy born recently, going home today. Without going into details-the agency believes this child will eventually be up for adoption based on past history of the family. So we said YES! and I started making a list-things to buy, things to ask--I took advantage of this event and rallied the husband into cleaning the house.
Then then waiting started. Waiting for the social worker to get in touch with Child services, waiting for Child Services to get paperwork on the child. waiting for the caseworker to get that paperwork to the right desk, waiting for them to say we could go pick up baby boy, waiting, waiting, waiting. 24 hours of waiting.
and then we were told we couldn't have the baby.
Child Services used to be the only place to be a foster parent. Then they stopped taking new foster parents and all these agencies were created-We could not foster parent directly with Child Services. We had to go to an agency because of this system. The agencies have all the foster parents now-and child services calls the agencies who in turn find homes for children.
Except that isn't entirely true. Child Services still has their old foster parents. They don't get new ones-but they have all these families willing to foster-it's a direct route. Child services calls them directly to foster-not going through and agency.
So where was I? Oh baby needs a home.
Child Services called our agency because of a sibling....but when that fell through our agency contacted us...
when our agency called with our names Child services said ummmm NO. We will place with one of "our families" because it is cheaper since baby can't go with sibling. Not-"wonderful!, you have a family that is willing to ride this out and provide a one stable home if he is able to be adopted." Just "no thanks--we will place with any of our families because it is cheaper".
So-rollercoaster of a time the last 2 days. Ending on a low....but we are getting a good understanding of how things work-and why everyone complains about the system....
On the bright side-I have a clean house.
Sigh
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Random Update
I haven't been around here much lately-just not in a writing mood, I guess. I have 5 posts started but have not felt like finishing them. Oh well. It will pass-or I will just force myself to start again. Spring (and daylight savings time) is coming-and my mood will lighten with warmer weather and daylight. Guaranteed.
But here's the short version of what's new:
1) We are supposedly certified to foster. It has been a month and still no letter confirming that, despite several emails on my part.
2) Our profile was sent away for consideration for a toddler in need of a family. We never heard anything back-and that's the way it works. If you don't hear anything-they chose someone else. No polite kiss off letter-you just wait and wonder.
3) We inquired on another toddler posted on our state's adoption listings. The children there are typically "hard to place" for various reasons-age, race, large sibling group, medical and cognitive conditions. I know this-and can read between the lines about some of the problems not actually stated. What I knew about this child's "issue" probably meant several surgery and therapies- but would lead a typical kid life.. However, once we got more info we ended up "passing" on this little one. Sadly, what wasn't stated was a very serious medical condition that is just too far out of our comfort zone. Sigh. I knew it couldn't be "that" easy.
4) I started a partial "envelope system" to help us budget more carefully. I was always so pissed when I paid the bills to see just how much we spent using debit cards-the money just melts away without you realizing it. So I pay the bills and withdraw the next two weeks worth of food, house stuff and miscellaneous money. The debit card is only gas and prescriptions. The first 2 weeks went well, with only a little bit of overage spending on the debit card. The next 2 weeks will be a little rougher-since the bills are higher the 1st of the month-but I really feel we are on the right path here. With some thought I think I can balance everything-and stop nickel and dime-ing the savings account to cover our overspending.
That's the highlights....in the winter, I basically hibernate-so not much to say.
But here's the short version of what's new:
1) We are supposedly certified to foster. It has been a month and still no letter confirming that, despite several emails on my part.
2) Our profile was sent away for consideration for a toddler in need of a family. We never heard anything back-and that's the way it works. If you don't hear anything-they chose someone else. No polite kiss off letter-you just wait and wonder.
3) We inquired on another toddler posted on our state's adoption listings. The children there are typically "hard to place" for various reasons-age, race, large sibling group, medical and cognitive conditions. I know this-and can read between the lines about some of the problems not actually stated. What I knew about this child's "issue" probably meant several surgery and therapies- but would lead a typical kid life.. However, once we got more info we ended up "passing" on this little one. Sadly, what wasn't stated was a very serious medical condition that is just too far out of our comfort zone. Sigh. I knew it couldn't be "that" easy.
4) I started a partial "envelope system" to help us budget more carefully. I was always so pissed when I paid the bills to see just how much we spent using debit cards-the money just melts away without you realizing it. So I pay the bills and withdraw the next two weeks worth of food, house stuff and miscellaneous money. The debit card is only gas and prescriptions. The first 2 weeks went well, with only a little bit of overage spending on the debit card. The next 2 weeks will be a little rougher-since the bills are higher the 1st of the month-but I really feel we are on the right path here. With some thought I think I can balance everything-and stop nickel and dime-ing the savings account to cover our overspending.
That's the highlights....in the winter, I basically hibernate-so not much to say.
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