Exhausted Rambling

I have no idea why I agreed to move 2 miles down the road.
I think it's the 3rd bedroom.
I want one.
and the storage (a garage, closets (!!!) shelves and cupboards galore (except, ironically, in the kitchen which has the least amount of cabinets I have ever seen in one). Did I mention closets? and storage (something we are severely lacking in out current place)

Maybe it's the backyard (once you climb over the cliff)-there is a great space for a (well-deer proofed) garden....once we clear it--the previous tenants didn't mow the grass back there for 5 years. Srsly-5 years of weeds).
The husband was sold on the place when he saw the "man cave" and the fact that it has AC. and the fact that there is so much less dust. Our place now is full of it-No matter how much I clean, the next day there is a layer of dust. There is still coal in the ductwork from a billion years ago when there was a coal furnace (before 1940, since our gas furnace is at least that old)

It certainly wasn't the location.
or the driveway (I will have to park across the street a few houses down in the winter because it's a STEEP driveway on a busy street)

or the fact that we have to move in 8 days so we can go to the beach and relax.

or the fact that every room needs painted. By Tuesday. (carpet cleaners are coming) and we have not been able to start the biggest room (DR/LR combo) because the brother is still chipping/sanding tile and whatever else you do to install a new tub.

I am exhausted. I love painting (really, I do!) My body doesn't.
Every wall and closet and cupboard needs scrubbed. 5 years of Dust and grime and dog coat the walls. The garage even needs scrubbed.

The outside needs work, too. Oh-and I have to find a place, prepare it and transplant all my plants.

and I need to pack....

and sleep....

and work....

Stress...part 1

Summer is supposed to be my down time...My fun time...My relax and don't think about work time.
This summer-is not fun. My mind won't let me relax. I can't stop thinking about work.

There is a very good chance I will be unemployed and without health benefits in 24 days.

The state school system is in serious trouble. Our new governor is cutting over one BILLION dollars to public schools. It means that every school system is cutting back. Furlough are everywhere. Programs are cut. Pay-for-play sports are becoming reality all over the place.

No one is happy about it-not the students, the parents, the employees or administration (but now that I think about it--I see that there are no cuts in administration forthcoming)

Due to multiple factors, my employer is Furloughing over 70 special education teachers. To be announced June 30th. Teachers hired in 2002 were told (by our union) they were "on the borderline" of the cut. I was hired in 2006. I am having a hard time rationalizing this. To have have worked for over 4 years for a school, be tenured and still be on the chopping block (and my coworkers who have worked 5, 6, 7 and more years and are not safe either) is unfathomable to me.

I am the only one employed full-time and with benefits in my house. (and FYI-I do not make a lot of money as a (speech) teacher....I am on a teachers salary--Jump steps are far far far in my future-so far that they will probably be nonexistent when I actually get that far into the salary scale.)

The Stress gets thicker:

Should I be lucky enough to have a job after June 30th-there is a good chance that it won't be the one I have now. The one I love. The one where I make a difference. With the age group I love (preschool). My employer realigns everyone during a furlough-changing positions to absorb the holes left by cuts-meaning they can move me anywhere they want to accommodate someone with more seniority than me.

I don't sleep. I toss and turn. My stomach is in knots.

All I can do is wait for that letter on June 30th. Telling me where to report for work...or not.

A beautiful sound

"uhI wah eeep" (computer voice: I want sheep)
I stared at the 4 year old boy who had just pushed the buttons on a communication device to ask for a farm animal for my playset for a few seconds, then gave him the sheep.
"uhI wah uho" (computer voice: I want horse)
My heart skipped a beat. I gave him the horse. I called the classroom teacher over. I couldn't tell her why-just please, please come.
"uhI wah pi" (computer voice: "I want pig") I gave him the pig-not breathing..
"uhI wah ow: (computer voice: "I want cow") I gave him the cow.
I turned to the teacher. She met my eyes and I knew instantly she heard it too.
"Ryan" was saying what the ipad app said just before the computer voice did.
The little boy with severe autism-who was completely non-verbal-had found his voice.

"Ryan" is talking.

Lesson of Day: Read the directions.

When I received my Juror Summons in the mail last month, after the initial groaning I sat down and read what was basically a large post card. It very clearly stated that the attached questionnaire had to be returned (by mail or complete online). The attached questionnaire had a postage paid envelope. 10 yes/no questions that were things like: are you in the active military, are you 18 or older, can you read? Things you don't really need to think about. I completed mine online. It took less than 2 minutes, start to finish-and that probably included walking over to my "To do" pile, rifling through it for the Summons, turning on my computer, logging in and navigating to the website-it was that quick. It might have even been quicker to check off the boxes, seal it and mail it.
So imagine my surprise when the head of Jurors (I am sure she has a better title than that) looked around the room and announced that there were far too many people present. There were 100 of us present. A full 40% had not followed directions on the Juror summons and filled out and returned the questionnaire. They were dismissed immediately as "unqualified" with no credit for the day, no documentation for employers and a curt-you WILL be back here very soon-you are deferred only until they draw the next lot.
Did they do this on purpose?
If they did it on purpose. Why? They showed up. They didn't request deferrals ahead of time (which you could do). They had to come to the courthouse at an hour that meant they were up before dawn. They had to take off work and not get paid (since they get no credit). They have to come back. Why go through that.
On the other hand, if it wasn't on purpose-how did they miss the directions to finish the questionnaire. I mean, I had to search on the paper for the reporting room number for awhile because THAT was written in small print-while the Directions to return the questionnaire were in a larger, bold font. Not to mention that envelope. Didn't that peak their curiosity?

Maybe it's because I am a rule-follower at heart that I just don't get it.

It all started with a treat

It all started with a treat. When we acquired our long-haired dachshund, Chloe, she was a tiny puppy someone had the bright idea to house-train her using treats. I suppose I read it somewhere since I was until that moment a cat-only person. Being the "responsible" pet owner I promptly bought a different type of food to use as treats (versus the fatty 'regular' treats.) and counted them in her daily diet.

To my husbands surprise (he who had multiple dogs and never thought the treat idea would work) Chloe was house trained in 4 days. Actually, it was more like 2-but she had puppy worms and had a few accidents beyond her control.

Then came day 5-and on that day or beautiful smart puppy trotted out happily to "GO bathroom", squatted down...and popped back up without doing anything...and demanded her treat. We were amused-but didn't fall for it. Chloe decided to test this for several days before finally admitting defeat. Or did she-since she suddenly decided to go #1, come in-get her treat...then want back out for #2 and ANOTHER treat. And, we allowed this because, hey, she followed the rules.

Fast forward 11+ years. Chloe (well within the preferred weight set by Vet I might add) continues to milk treats from us for every 'excursion' outside. By now, it is an ingrained instinct. She hunts us down and makes us remember to give her a treat if we dare forget.

At some too-early time this morning I took her highness out to the bathroom. Gave her her treat and we went back to bed. I got resettled on bed and was dropping back to sleep when Chloe insisted she needed to go out again. SO I made The husband take her out. He came back shaking his head saying she went out and came back in-but no business. We settled down again and once again, she insisted she needed to go out. Annoyed, I grabbed her up and went downstairs muttering something about The husband.

At the bottom of the steps it hit me. The little Sh*t didn't want to go out the the bathroom. She wanted a treat. Not her BATHROOM treat...but her (perceived) BEDTIME treat. You see, for the last few days I have taken a red Twizzler to bed and we have shared it. Chloe loves red Twizzlers. Loves them. She can smell them a mile away. She gets a (small) bite or two when either of us is eating one. Its one of her rare sinful treats.

She was 'confused'. She thought that since we were downstairs...and went up to bed that she should get a Twizzler treat.

Uh-uh. No way. She's too smart to be 'confused'. She was playing us. At some mind numbing minute of the way-too-early morning.

Someone furry ended up sleeping the rest of the night on the floor. Sans Twizzler.

flipped

I was given a Flip camera for work months ago. I used it with my students (GREAT for tracking progress for some kids!) and, when I got my new position, tossed it in my camera bag during the move from office to office so it wouldn't get lost or crushed in my 7+ boxes of stuff plus the bonanza of stuff in my new office. Fast forward to yesterday, when I remembered that I had tossed it into the camera bag and it really should be at work. So I dug it out and, just for fun, I turned it on. Of course, it didn't work. I spent 10 minutes rummaging around in 2 camera bags and 2 drawers looking for the charger. I concluded the charger must be at work. Today-I spent 10 minutes looking in various boxes and cabinets and drawers for the charger.
Finally, I found the box. Inside-NO charger.
10 more minutes spent looking for the charger. 10 minutes panicking that I lost the charger, wondering if I could buy a new one and how much it would be.

I was out of options, I looked in every single place it should be-and some it shouldn't. I was about to conclude I overlooked the charger at home-necessitating another search party at home...when it finally dawned on me.

It takes (nonrechargable) batteries.

Dreary

It's Spring on the calendar...but not outside...and not inside either.
The days are cloudy and cold here still. That's just not right.
Last year, after Snowmageddon, we were blessed with a summer-like spring. I clearly remember being in shorts, eating ice cream and marveling at the HUGE snowpile still melting in a mall parking lot.

This year, my mood matches the weather--dreary.
I am trying to shake it....but not really succeeding.

I am tired and, while I have energy, I have no desire to move. My couch sucks me in. I have always procrastinated...now, I am beyond procrastinating into blatant having no desire to do what needs done until there is motivation (like no clothes left to wear before doing laundry...or, case-in-point-taxes-which sit there staring at me.)

I want to walk...and run...and I can't. Oh-not from the drearyness...but from some mild ache in my hip-sciatica we think. It makes my inner thigh on one side tight. I am pretty sure I have the cause of it pinned down (new job-long drive + sitting all day in small chairs with no break)...now for resolving the issue.

When I don't have pain, I walk...sometimes. Others I talk myself out of it...enjoy the ache-free day I tell myself...but regret it later.

The tiredness is partially from my new position. I enjoy it...but I am playing catch-up in a position that has more work daily...

Of course, I know the real reason for my mood. The weather is just not helping matters.

When it is sunny-I go outside. I feel better. I really do.
It's the only thing that helps shake this right now...