Funerals are never easy.
I have been to a few. Not as many as some people. Definitely more that I wish.
I went to my grandparents funerals in June and then September. Because the funerals were held where they grew up (St. Louis) yet lived in Pittsburgh for over 50 years the family held a Memorial Service in November for their friends and our family.
I am not going to lie-it wasn't easy. Even though they lived full lives (93 and 94 years old). Even though they both were not well for years.
But-is it ever?
There were bright spots amongst the sadness:
Family I had not seen in years came. I'm the oldest grandchild so I knew them all (even if I was a child the last I saw them).
I got to revisit memories that had long since been buried.
I shocked some people at my memory. I knew who neighbors of my great-grandmother were-and asked about their children (all my age). I remembered the woman who helped take care of my great-grandma--even if she didn't remember me at first (I had grown-a lot). I remembered many stories about her (she sued an internationally well known company because they continuously promoted men over her--men she trained. She won.) I remembered them and was able to tell my siblings and cousins all the info they ever needed to know :)
The very best part, however, was something embedded in all of the services. A time of remembrances. Rather than have someone perform a Eulogy-a life story was read about each (combined at the Memorial). Then, the people gathered were asked to speak up about their memories of them. Stories, details, anything. This was new to me--as I said, I haven't gone to many funerals-but none of them offered this. My uncle, a minister, presided over all 3 services. I know his family religion is the origin of this. I loved it. Friends, family and others spoke up.
I heard so many stories. Some I already knew. Many I didn't
Some that just reflected my grandparents personality so much we all chuckled because we could imagine the scene perfectly.
3 men who used to work with my grandfather came to the memorial.
I learned that my Grandfather created their pension from scratch-and made it 100% iron clad so the company couldn't touch or change it in any way. These men were so thankful-and said that he touched so many lives by doing this-even though those people didn't know him.
I learned my Grandma designed and (had) built a house for them-and the day it was finished-my grandfather got transferred. She never got to live in her dream house.
I learned my Dad, Uncle, Aunt and their cousins had a tomato fight in the (finished) basement of my great-grandmother's house.
There were so many stories. I need to document them.
They are gone-but memories remain. Memories I don't want to forget.
I hope, when I am gone, there are wonderful memories of me to share.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Fragmented visions
When I was young (some time under 9), I traveled with my grandparents to visit my great-grandmothers several times. My grandfather's mother lived in a house with hardwood floors. It was very clean, very neat, and shiny. There was a big porch out front. This is about all I remember, except my grandfather's brother lived with her. My memory is a little fuzzy-but I have clear pictures of "Uncle Bob" standing behind my great-grandmother's chair. I clearly remember him standing there. Looking at me.
In my memory he moved once. He moved-took a couple steps to come around the chair and was immediately reprimanded and returned to his standing position.
My memories are truly only a brief snapshot of that time. I was a young child. Perhaps the reprimand makes it stand out. Uncle Bob didn't really stand there the whole time. But that's what exists in my memory. What also exists in this memory is the fact that I knew he was different-but couldn't figure it out. He looked like he wanted to play with me-but wouldn't/couldn't. It's hard to explain. I knew he wasn't "normal" but no one told me why. I knew he was "slow" He was shorter-not the height of the men in my life (over 6 feet)-taller than my friends-but not tall enough for "an adult." I think I was kind of nervous/scared around him (perhaps because of how the adults acted)
I saw him another time. He lived in an institution (?) after his mother died when I was 9. We (my grandparents and I) visited him there. I remember he came out and was happy to see us. I remember pepto-bismal walls That's it.
Fragmented visions.
I know I used to have more memories of him. I would list him in my list of extended family. I would ask how he was. I visited him before age 9 several times.
I was sad when they told me he died 18 years ago.
Sadly, time has erased most of the few memories I had.
I never knew he had Down Syndrome until 3 years ago-looking through old family pictures.
October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month.
In my memory he moved once. He moved-took a couple steps to come around the chair and was immediately reprimanded and returned to his standing position.
My memories are truly only a brief snapshot of that time. I was a young child. Perhaps the reprimand makes it stand out. Uncle Bob didn't really stand there the whole time. But that's what exists in my memory. What also exists in this memory is the fact that I knew he was different-but couldn't figure it out. He looked like he wanted to play with me-but wouldn't/couldn't. It's hard to explain. I knew he wasn't "normal" but no one told me why. I knew he was "slow" He was shorter-not the height of the men in my life (over 6 feet)-taller than my friends-but not tall enough for "an adult." I think I was kind of nervous/scared around him (perhaps because of how the adults acted)
I saw him another time. He lived in an institution (?) after his mother died when I was 9. We (my grandparents and I) visited him there. I remember he came out and was happy to see us. I remember pepto-bismal walls That's it.
Fragmented visions.
I know I used to have more memories of him. I would list him in my list of extended family. I would ask how he was. I visited him before age 9 several times.
I was sad when they told me he died 18 years ago.
Sadly, time has erased most of the few memories I had.
I never knew he had Down Syndrome until 3 years ago-looking through old family pictures.
October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
My Grandpa
My grandpa:
-was the most honest and ethical man you would ever meet.
-was meticulous, methodical, a perfectionist, patient and kind.
Everything had it's place. He picked up microscopic pieces of lint of the freshly vacuumed floor. Recently, my dad found a file labeled "raincoat" in a filing cabinet full of stuff of my grandfathers-work stuff, bills, etc. He expected to find a warranty for some kind of raincoat. Inside this paper thin file was-a perfectly folded vinyl raincoat. I found a book about math or chemistry or some science today of his today when sorting a box looking for pictures to take to St. Louis. His printing was the neatest printing I have ever seen. It resembled a type writer. The drawings were perfect and exact. There were no eraser marks, no pages missing.
-wore bolo ties and "Mr. Rogers" sweaters. Wore slacks every day. He wore a suit coat and hat when he went out. I never saw him in khakis or jeans-even when doing any type of work around the house.
-collected stamps (and some coins).
-would not let me walk on the (paved) driveway in bare feet. There is a picture somewhere of me with one foot in the grass and one on the driveway looking at him with a glint in my eye.
-started at a chemical company (now Bayer) as a washer of beakers and test tubes while going to college. He retired as Treasurer.
-loved my grandmother. I have pictures of him looking adoringly at her throughout their life together.
-was a gentle, patient man. Never raised his voice to us grandkids-even when obviously annoyed with us.
-was my only grandfather. I have 4 grandmothers that I remember (both of my parent's parents and their parents (in other words-my grandma and great-grandma-from both sides of my family). But only 1 grandfather exists in my memories. The rest were gone before I was born.
My grandpa died yesterday. He joins my grandma, his wife of over 60 years, who died 3 months ago .
He lived a wonderful life. The last couple years he has steadily declined and had his ups and downs, good days and bad days. He was 94. I was blessed to have him as a grandfather.
I miss him...
-was the most honest and ethical man you would ever meet.
-was meticulous, methodical, a perfectionist, patient and kind.
Everything had it's place. He picked up microscopic pieces of lint of the freshly vacuumed floor. Recently, my dad found a file labeled "raincoat" in a filing cabinet full of stuff of my grandfathers-work stuff, bills, etc. He expected to find a warranty for some kind of raincoat. Inside this paper thin file was-a perfectly folded vinyl raincoat. I found a book about math or chemistry or some science today of his today when sorting a box looking for pictures to take to St. Louis. His printing was the neatest printing I have ever seen. It resembled a type writer. The drawings were perfect and exact. There were no eraser marks, no pages missing.
-wore bolo ties and "Mr. Rogers" sweaters. Wore slacks every day. He wore a suit coat and hat when he went out. I never saw him in khakis or jeans-even when doing any type of work around the house.
-collected stamps (and some coins).
-would not let me walk on the (paved) driveway in bare feet. There is a picture somewhere of me with one foot in the grass and one on the driveway looking at him with a glint in my eye.
-started at a chemical company (now Bayer) as a washer of beakers and test tubes while going to college. He retired as Treasurer.
-loved my grandmother. I have pictures of him looking adoringly at her throughout their life together.
-was a gentle, patient man. Never raised his voice to us grandkids-even when obviously annoyed with us.
-was my only grandfather. I have 4 grandmothers that I remember (both of my parent's parents and their parents (in other words-my grandma and great-grandma-from both sides of my family). But only 1 grandfather exists in my memories. The rest were gone before I was born.
My grandpa died yesterday. He joins my grandma, his wife of over 60 years, who died 3 months ago .
He lived a wonderful life. The last couple years he has steadily declined and had his ups and downs, good days and bad days. He was 94. I was blessed to have him as a grandfather.
I miss him...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
My Grandma
*My grandma taught me to play board games and card games.
She taught me to play Kings on the Corners, Gin (5 and 7 card), Pinochle and Oh Hell!
I went to her house every day after school some years-and many days in the summer and she played games with me for hours. I never thought about all the time she devoted to me just playing games with me. She taught me to win and lose graciously and never cheat.
*My Grandma taught me to love books-especially mysteries. She introduced me to The Boxcar Children, The Bobbsey Twins, Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys and Cherry Ames, Student Nurse.
I was allowed to sit on the library's counter (where she volunteered) even though there was a sign clearly prohibiting it.
*My Grandma made the best coffee cake and the best Plum Cobbler.
She, along with her mother who died when i was 17, made the best Custard Pie, Stollen (German raisin bread) and home made noodles. I remember from before Thanksgiving to Christmas her living room was set up with tables for noodle drying-and how I would run in and snatch a few to eat.
*My grandma took up painting in the 70's. She gave me her first painting ever, a seagull, which hangs in my hallway. I have other of her paintings-they are treasured possessions in my family-and guarded with all the fury a mother cat guards her kittens (through no fault of his own-my brother came to think the Seagull picture was his as it hung at my Mom's house for years when I was in college and early adulthood and he has tried to steal it from me (hopefully as a joke).
*My grandma taught me to love flowers. The things she missed most when they moved to a retirement village was her flower garden. So, she became the head of the Grounds Committee (a volunteer position)-in charge of landscaping, hiring and firing of garden personnel for the entire complex. I remember how many years she tried to get a hillside to grow wildflowers. Through multiple planters-making them each reseed when they, yet again, failed to grow. She would take me out on the balcony and tell me the latest development. I am not sure that hillside ever bloomed.
*My grandma took me on many vacations with her (and grandpa) to visit family in other states. I am the oldest grandchild and the only one who experienced this-except my brother once got to go because they drove me out to visit my Mom and brother when they lived in Oklahoma-and he drove back to Pennsylvania with us so he could stay with me and Dad for awhile. I am the only grandchild with memories of her sister (Aunt Glad) and her children, and their children (my cousins) who are around the same age. I am also the only grandchild that saw her tipsy-once-after her Mom's funeral at the restaurant after 1 or 2 glasses of wine.
*My grandma, as a young woman, once worked for a judge as a secretary. She was bored one day and decided to organize his accounting books. She discovered along the way information that led to the discovery that the judge's business partner was embezzling. She had to go to trial. The guilty party issued a death threat in public towards her. I get my constant seeking out information from her. I can't ever let my mind just sit still.
*My grandma once let it slip that I was her favorite grandchild. She told my husband when we were leaving to go home to Florida how he was taking "her favorite" away. I know what she meant. She loved all her grandchildren equally. I just happened to be the one who spent the most time with her-the one she saw daily some years-the one who lived in the same town. The one who grew up in front of her-rather than in fleeting visits or photos.
*My grandma died today. She lived a full life well into her 90's. I know she is finally at peace and free from a body and mind that for the last years trapped her inside and made her a mere shadow of herself.
Still....
*I miss her so much
She taught me to play Kings on the Corners, Gin (5 and 7 card), Pinochle and Oh Hell!
I went to her house every day after school some years-and many days in the summer and she played games with me for hours. I never thought about all the time she devoted to me just playing games with me. She taught me to win and lose graciously and never cheat.
*My Grandma taught me to love books-especially mysteries. She introduced me to The Boxcar Children, The Bobbsey Twins, Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys and Cherry Ames, Student Nurse.
I was allowed to sit on the library's counter (where she volunteered) even though there was a sign clearly prohibiting it.
*My Grandma made the best coffee cake and the best Plum Cobbler.
She, along with her mother who died when i was 17, made the best Custard Pie, Stollen (German raisin bread) and home made noodles. I remember from before Thanksgiving to Christmas her living room was set up with tables for noodle drying-and how I would run in and snatch a few to eat.
*My grandma took up painting in the 70's. She gave me her first painting ever, a seagull, which hangs in my hallway. I have other of her paintings-they are treasured possessions in my family-and guarded with all the fury a mother cat guards her kittens (through no fault of his own-my brother came to think the Seagull picture was his as it hung at my Mom's house for years when I was in college and early adulthood and he has tried to steal it from me (hopefully as a joke).
*My grandma taught me to love flowers. The things she missed most when they moved to a retirement village was her flower garden. So, she became the head of the Grounds Committee (a volunteer position)-in charge of landscaping, hiring and firing of garden personnel for the entire complex. I remember how many years she tried to get a hillside to grow wildflowers. Through multiple planters-making them each reseed when they, yet again, failed to grow. She would take me out on the balcony and tell me the latest development. I am not sure that hillside ever bloomed.
*My grandma took me on many vacations with her (and grandpa) to visit family in other states. I am the oldest grandchild and the only one who experienced this-except my brother once got to go because they drove me out to visit my Mom and brother when they lived in Oklahoma-and he drove back to Pennsylvania with us so he could stay with me and Dad for awhile. I am the only grandchild with memories of her sister (Aunt Glad) and her children, and their children (my cousins) who are around the same age. I am also the only grandchild that saw her tipsy-once-after her Mom's funeral at the restaurant after 1 or 2 glasses of wine.
*My grandma, as a young woman, once worked for a judge as a secretary. She was bored one day and decided to organize his accounting books. She discovered along the way information that led to the discovery that the judge's business partner was embezzling. She had to go to trial. The guilty party issued a death threat in public towards her. I get my constant seeking out information from her. I can't ever let my mind just sit still.
*My grandma once let it slip that I was her favorite grandchild. She told my husband when we were leaving to go home to Florida how he was taking "her favorite" away. I know what she meant. She loved all her grandchildren equally. I just happened to be the one who spent the most time with her-the one she saw daily some years-the one who lived in the same town. The one who grew up in front of her-rather than in fleeting visits or photos.
*My grandma died today. She lived a full life well into her 90's. I know she is finally at peace and free from a body and mind that for the last years trapped her inside and made her a mere shadow of herself.
Still....
*I miss her so much
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)