Chicory Blue

A key...

2012-02-12T22:20:00.001-05:00

What do you do in a data-driven special ed world to show that a child with autism understands basic skills so you can declare a goal mastered? So you can "prove" to those that "want to know" that this child is super smart. Has so much potential if only the key could be found to unlock his world.

A 4 year old child that screams rather than tells you an answer.
Recites rote phrases and entire songs.
Can't answer a "simple" question like "what is this?"

You KNOW he knows the answers. You have goals that you need to show progress on. You KNOW he knows it-but can't prove it.

You search and search for the key....and, if you are lucky, it comes to you one day, perhaps accidentally when that 4 year old cute-as a-button child reads aloud a word on a paper. You write more words. He reads them aloud. You write a sentence- let's say, "No Screaming"-and show it to him when he screams--and he immediately stops. Then says. "No screaming" and walks away quietly.

I have a key...maybe not the key to his entire world-but its a key.

So I made these:
Match the function of objects to the picture:

Match the action to the picture:

And he matches them. It holds his interest for an entire session.
AND
he is beginning to verbalize the answers, too!

This is opening up a whole new world of how to teach him and how to find out what he knows.

Books of 2011

2012-01-03T22:47:00.000-05:00

I did a really nice list last year. But my books this year don't really fit those questions for some reason.

This year I will just post a few highlights and lowlights.

First, I am on Goodreads...so if you are too-look me up here. I am always looking for new book friends.

Secondly, I discovered audio books this year. Makes the commute to work so much better and I found out that some books are just better listened to.

5 star books of the year:

Printed books:

Cloud Atlas, by David Mitchell
This was one I read for my book club and it has become one of my favorite books ever. I even asked for (and received) a copy for Christmas (I check 99% of my books out from the library.) It is 6 stories, loosely connected and told in a nesting doll format (you get 1/2 of each story until the 6th one, which you read whole, then get the 2nd half of each story....weird, but it works!) I never would have picked this up on my own-I am so glad that I read it!

Speak, Lauri Halse Anderson-This book is hard to describe. A teen rape victim who doesn't speak anymore- is ostracized from her friends-no one really notices she doesn't speak-or why. But it is so much more than that.

Still Alice, Lisa Genova-it's about a woman's decline into Altzheimer's disease, told from her perspective.

And Tango Makes Three, Justin Richardson This is a children's book. It is based on the true story of 2 male penguins who on their own became partners and, when given an egg, raised it as their child. It is listed on the banned books list.

Audiobooks:
To Kill a Mockingbird, 50th anniversary narrated by Sissy Spacek. Sissy Spacek is phenomenal as the narrator. My husband loved it too, and he isn't the reader I am.

Every Last One, Anna Quindlan The first half of this book is about a typical family. You get to know them and their ordinary, every day lives. The second half is about overcoming a tragedy to the family. There were lots of descriptions and slower parts that would have had me skimming had I read the book. In audio format it was magical.

The Bonesetter's Daughter, Amy Tan What made this audio book so good is that it was read by two women who spoke English and Chinese. They used authentic accents (as far as I know) and pronunciations of words.

Outlander, Diana Gabaldon. This is one of my favorite books, one I have read over and over. I decided to listen to it-all 28 discs. It was very good. It took me a little to adjust to understanding the Scottish brogue (which you read with the accent in the book) but by disc 2 I was enthralled again.

I read some other books that, while not 5 star books, they are worth mentioning:

Room, Emma Dongahue The main character is a little boy who has lived in "room" his whole life-his mother was kidnapped as a teen and held in this room, a shack.

The Sparrow, Mary Doria Russell This is another hard to describe book and I read it for my Book club. Again, I never would have read it and i am very happy I did. Several people, including a Jesuit priest, travel to another planet in search of life. Very Interesting.

Before I fall, Lauren Oliver In this book, the main character dies, and gets several chances to make things right. A nice take on this "Groundhog Day" kind of book.

And one that I couldn't rate:

Beyond Reach, Karin Slaughter I loved this series. (Grant County). This book was really good. But the ending....was....anger inducing. I hated it. I have tried to read another series of hers...and I'm still angry at her...But, at the same time....It took guts to write it that way. Enough said. Read the series...just not the last chapter of book 6.

On to 2012:
I don't usually set goals for my reading but I do two a few simple ones. Last year I set a goal to read 75 books and I did that exactly. This year I want to read at least 80-but with audio books I might actually reach 100. I also want to read more books about Cherokee Indians since I have ancestors that were Chiefs in the tribe.

Have you read any of my favorites? What did you think?

What are your favorite books? I would love to add them to my To-Be-Read List!

Happy New Year 2012

2012-01-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year.
I welcome 2012 with all my heart.

No resolutions. No predictions.

Nothing other than: This year HAS to be better than last year.

Please

Goodbye 2011 and Good Riddance

2011-12-31T15:37:00.000-05:00

I'm not doing a summary my year-other than:

It sucked.

It wasn't what I expected 1 year ago. In any area.

I am not sorry to see it go.

2011 can kiss my ass

Chocolate Covered Pretzels

2011-12-28T00:56:00.000-05:00

I love chocolate covered pretzels. For co-worker gifts this year I decided to make some.
omg-they are SO easy. If I knew how easy I would have made them looooong ago.

You need:
A bag of chocolate chips (your choice, milk chocolate or semi-sweet--or both)
Pretzels
decorations (optional)

That's it.

Microwave the chips in a bowl...I put them in for 45 seconds, stirred, the in 30 second increments stirring until smooth. Took maybe 2 minutes.

Then take the pretzels and dip. i used stick pretzels so I spooned the chocolate up high...swirled until it went all the way down.

Put on wax paper...sprinkle with decorations. I used colored sugar, sprinkles and peanut butter chips.

Let cool. When they were cool, I slipped into gift bags.

Done. And it took 30 minutes at the most!

I think used 2 full bags of chips and 1 full bag of pretzels (I may or may not have eaten a handful or 2.

These pictures are not great-since the husband took them with his phone. Also, what you see in these pictures is the entire amount of counter space I have....so I couldn't get them all on one counter (and some are even on the table)

More December ramblings

2011-12-25T17:19:00.002-05:00

I found one of my favorite Christmas movies from childhood on you-tube. The Christmas that Almost Wasn't. I loved this movie as a kid-and our local (now fox) station played it every year. It's a cross between A Christmas Carol and a musical. It is amazing how many of the songs/scenes are familiar-when I have not seen it in a very long time. decades. plural. The movie is older than I am...but I still love it. Nostalgia and all that.

We went on our annual Christmas Eve night pilgrimage to find driveways and streets lined with Luminaries. I love luminaries. The ones made from lunch bags. (There are no pictures because I drove. The husband was ~~whining~~ miserable from a Man-Cold and didn't think to take a picture.)
We found some-but not as many as my childhood, where entire neighborhoods would be lined.

We also looked at lights. Christmas fact: If you find a house or street with amazing lights at 11:45pm on Christmas Eve-someone in a hurry pulls up behind you and doesn't care that you are looking at the lights. Without fail, if I turned one way-so did whatever car was behind me at the time, turned that way, too. I pulled over, put flashers on...it didn't matter. Cars always found a way to come up an insist I move.

It is 5pm on Christmas day and the Husband is still in bed with the aforementioned Man Cold. He must really feel bad. He slept through football yesterday and we didn't go to his family. *It should be noted that *I* had this cold last week and took a 4 hour nap after our foster class and maybe 2 sinus pills. The end.

The husband got a train for Christmas. He has been wanting one-so I picked up a cheap one-not the Lionel set of his dreams. He played with it, man-cold and all, for an hour last night-until we both could'nt stand it any more. The cheap train sounded like a weed-eater. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz SO LOUD that we couldn't hear the train noises-or the music it played-or the TV for that matter. Guess who will be in line returning it tomorrow. I can't get it out of the house fast enough. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T15:24:00.000-05:00

My favorite Christmas tree. So many memories come with it.....

December Miscellaneous Rambings

2011-12-23T00:52:00.000-05:00

I went to my first funeral for one of my students. I pray to God it's the last one. He was 5. He beat cancer twice. The third time snuck up on him and took him almost before anyone knew something was wrong. The family went from decorating for Christmas and waiting for Santa to shock and grief in 2-3 days.

My husband and I are really not into Christmas this year. My November funk has spilled over into December despite my best efforts. I have been sick (finally feeling (mostly) better) and now he has it. We still don't have decorations on the tree (lights! lights! 1 strand of lights! are out on our prelit tree and we can't figure out why) and I have not made any cards (I always hand make them). I also think the years of celebrating without a child have caught up to us. We thought *this* was our year-and can't forget it. I have tried to reverse this thinking I-am doing the 12 days of Christmas for my husband-a gift a day for 12 days before Christmas. I think he is enjoying it a little. The tree will be finished (I am going to turn that part to the window-really, it's not that noticeable--just 1 layer of lights) and presents will be wrapped. Christmas cards, however, may be New Years cards this year. Or sent telepathically.

We have finished our final required class for foster care, which included a bunch of weekly classes, CPR/First Aid and a Crisis class--the last one was not scheduled until now. We passed our home inspection and went over the home study. We submitted 2 inches of paperwork and clearances. We have one (surprise!-just when I checked off the last requirement they whip this out) thing left. We both need to write a paragraph about something. The instructions were vague. Autobiographical in nature. 1 page-no more. (fyi-the 20+ page home study is ALL autobiographical so this requirement mystifies us). I would have preferred a little more guidance...

We bought a crib, a carseat (for a child 5-100lbs to cover all bases) and a stroller. The crib and carseat was a requirement. It was really hard putting together the crib and also seeing it there now-empty-without knowing if it will ever actually be used. The carseat sits in its box, covered by miscellaneous items in the garage. At least we didn't have to install it for the inspection.

I submitted my (required) Christmas list to my husband on time. It is 12/23 at 1am and he has not started yet (except to "buy me" the salt water fish he wanted too). Most of my things needed ordered (thank you Michelle for the wonderful what to get the amateur photographer gift posts here, here, here and here. I may or may not have just printed off these lists and substituted Nikon compatible stuff. Oh-he got a kick out of my "revised" list (see this post).

In the spirit of optimism and ending this mood-I asked my husband how we were going to handle Santa next year. All the important questions like Does Santa wrap?, How many gifts does Santa bring? Fortunately, I knew these questions could be a little controversial and was prepared for the husband's possible reaction. *His head exploded* when he found out Santa didn't wrap at my house....and further explosions happened when I mentioned that Santa wraps in special paper at some houses. Apparently, Santa wrapped and used whatever was available at his house and he liked it. I guess Santa will be wrapping here....but I'm still thinking he will use his own paper. And he will bring as many presents as he wants....at least we agreed on something :)

Off to work on those damn lights!

Apps I use frequently

2011-12-21T14:46:00.000-05:00

Several people have asked me about apps for preschool children.

These are the apps I use frequently with my students. They are not all "speech" apps.

I am sure I am missing a few on my list-I have so many (too many!) apps now that need gone through.

The reason I have too many apps is I get a lot of free apps by looking every day at Freeappalert (dot) com. There is a lot of junk-but I have found some goodies over the last few months (including several eye contact apps for autism (not on this list because I have not yet used them with a student-but they look great!) I download them-and can delete them if they are not any good.

Also, Starbucks gives away a free app each week (usually for adults, but sometimes for kids). I got one of my favorite apps this way (The monster at the end of this book). You have to go into Starbucks on Thursday and get the app card (there is also an itunes card with a free song so make sure you look at what you pick up). It isn't always an app I can use...but I always check.

Here is the list--in NO particular order...I just typed as I paged through....

Toca Boca Tea Party

Toca Boca Store

Toca Boca Hair Christmas

Most of the apps from Kindergarten.com

Match it up 1, 2, 3

Families 1, 2,

Alligator apps has some nice ones-sign up for their free email to get free apps

Adventures for Kids

Monkey Thinks

Old Mac HD (from duck duck moose)

Wheels on bus HD (from duck duck moose)

iblower apps (there are several free) Hint: they are really sound activiated. I use them for those minimally vocal kids.

I like books-37 free (gives you 37 free books-great topics, photos and reads to kids) Search for it this way and you get all 37 books at once- instead of searching for each individually

Monster at the end of this book (I love this app. I got it free from Starbucks-but it is wonderful, I would have paid for it)

Toy Story Read along book/app free. Love it

iwrite words lite

Articpix I like this app. It’s one of the pricier ones. Phonopix I don’t like as much because my students don't usually "get" minimal pairs-you can truly set articpix to do phono by only choosing the sounds/positions you want.

Wordslapps. I like this app because you can upload pictures and create your own receptive “find the” categories. I use it a lot-I uploaded students pictures (to see if child knew who everyone was), I snapped pictures from our weekly abc books-and quizzed kid on them (great vocabulary tool!)

First Phrases Lite- I will probably pay for the full version of this app soon

Fun with Directions Lite - I will probably pay for the full version of this app soon

Picture the Sentence LIte I will probably pay for the full version of this app soon

Preposition Remix (my only complaint with this one is that the kids have to touch the ITEM that is on/over, etc. If they just touch the general picture it's wrong-some of my students have a hard time with this. For example touch the banana over the scale. 3 pics are presented. my student will touch the right picture-but it says it is wrong unless he actually touches the bananas)

I hear Ewe (for some reason the kids love this one. I can covertly suggest pics to touch to one of my kids with severe autism and see that she can find them...versus 0% accuracy when presented with paper pictures)

FUN (reinforers):

Fireworks 1, 2, 3 (also can be used for sentence building)

Bubbles HD

Paint sparkles

Peekaboo HD.

Talking Tom (he repeats back what you say… there IS a way to turn off the “violence” in settings (you can punch him and knock him out)

December Sensory box

2011-12-04T13:45:00.000-05:00

For this month's sensory box I took long garland and cut it into approximately 2-inch pieces. I gathered some small ornaments, some reindeer, presents and, of course, a Santa. I also tossed in some bells. (I only show a small sampling in the picture--other than the Santa, there are multiple of each item)
I am looking for a small sleigh to add this week.

The students love it! Everyone who has played with it has spent a good amount of time with it.

30. I am thankful...for this month of thinking

2011-11-30T14:00:00.000-05:00

This month of thankful posting did what I wanted it to do--it lifted me somewhat out of a blue period. Not completely-because I don't really think anything will do that (well, there is something-but it's not going to happen (and is the most likely cause of this blueness) so let's not go there.)
Where was I-oh yes-
I have a lot to be thankful for....posting every day made me think of the big and little things that make me smile. I know I didn't even touch on all the things I am ultimately thankful for....there were many days my mind was blank for a long time before I could type. Somedays were more thoughtful than others-some were more trivial...
It wasn't that I didn't have anything to be thankful for...it's that most areas of my life are good-so I take a lot for granted. I am trying not to, though.
This month made me be more aware of just how blessed I truly am.

29. I am thankful for...happy hours after work

2011-11-29T22:59:00.000-05:00

To vent, to share common interests...to laugh at ourselves.
Sometimes we all need to get it out!
And no one understands you better than those are in the (sometimes) sinking ship with you!

I am thankful for...my love of the outdoors

2011-11-28T17:40:00.000-05:00

I love gardening and landscaping. I love walking/hiking in the outdoors. After a long day-or even a short one-being outdoors melts away the stress, reminds me of my priorities and relaxes (in a noce energizing sort of way) me.

It doesn't matter if it's a barren winter landscape without snow. Just being in the fresh air and feeling all the endless space around me restores me in ways that even sleep can't.

27. I am thankful for...living in the modern world

2011-11-27T17:00:00.001-05:00

When I say "modern world" I mean one with indoor plumbing and where I don't need to kill the food I eat-it arrives nicely packaged and not resembling its former (live) self.

You want to know the funny part-I would LOVE to live simply.

I could live without electricity. I could live with only a fire to cook on-a fire to keep me warm. I would have no problem walking/riding horses/using horse and buggy. I could learn to sew by hand, gather more "nuts and berries". I would love to labor all day in a garden and tending a house-rising with the sun, sleeping with the night.

However, I draw the line at outhouses and no facilities at all. Perhaps my Mom told me too many spider and snake stories about her youth and outhouses. Ok-I know this played a huge hand in it. Still does.

I can't even stand watching fish hooked on a line or flopping on a pier. And cows. pigs, chickens? They are Cute.
Do you think I could eat it after I watched reality?
Yes, I KNOW where meat comes from...it doesn't mean I have to think about it.
I prefer aesthetically pleasing plucked, washed, cut, wrapped and "approved" meat Thank you very much.

God help me if one of those "doomsday" scenarios ever plays out in my lifetime.....

26. I am thankful...that I can cook

2011-11-26T21:04:00.000-05:00

I am amazed by how many of my friends can't cook. They dread even "jar cooking". If it takes more than opening a box, popping it in the microwave or oven and setting the timer-they just can't do it.

I love to cook. I prefer to follow recipes I prefer exact measurements that I can adjust as I see fit vs. "just throw in a little of this and a little of that))-but I do have some things of my own creation that are really good.

I don't mind take-out....but I would rather cook it myself.

25. I am thankful for....hot baths

2011-11-26T00:02:00.000-05:00

I love me a hot bath. It relaxes me. It warms me up on cold days.
When I have a bad day-a warm soak in a tub does more than a glass of wine to unwind me.

Showers wake me up, energize me...and have their daily purpose.

It's soaking in hot water every so often that make me go ahhhhh.

24. I am thankful for...My family

2011-11-24T09:02:00.001-05:00

We have our ups and downs. Things happen we wish we could change.
But in the end, there is no other family I would rather have.

People and friends come and go-but family is always there for you.

23. I am thankful for...my students

2011-11-23T11:40:00.000-05:00

I love my students. They require the best of me. I love stepping up to their challenges and helping them achieve success.
My students make the "bad" parts of my job (high stress at times and endless paperwork) worth it.

22. I am thankful for...Medicine

2011-11-22T11:52:00.000-05:00

I take 4 pills daily (plus use an inhaler)-some more than once. This is just my daily medicine. There are days when I need my migraine medicine, my other inhaler and the other common medicines for the aches, pains, intestinal issues that we humans have.

Among the myriad of pills I take daily- for various conditions- is my trusty allergy pill.

I can still remember the days when I couldn't take allergy medicine-it put me to sleep. I couldn't function with it. I have severe airborne allergies-and I remember how it was growing up constantly feeling on edge and just awful a full 10 months out of the year.

Now, I barely give my airborne allergies thought (wish I could say that about my food ones). I take a tiny pill once a day. Every day. It's like a miracle. I can do anything without the itch, watery eyes, the constant sneezing, the nose-oh, the nose. I had to stop taking my allergy medicine for 2 weeks a while back-and it was awful. I was miserable. Completely miserable. Even though I remember the 'no meds' days-reality was so much different.

Now, airborne allergies are usually "just" a nuisance (albeit a big one). Can you imagine not having available some other medications? Life saving medications? Lifestyle altering medications?
Not having the one pill that would save your life?

There are people out there in the world without access to medications.

That's a scary thought.

21. I am thankful for...cell phones

2011-11-21T12:06:00.000-05:00

I love that when I need to be connected-I can be, that when I need info on the go-I can get it and when I want to be disconnected from everything-I can turn it off.

20. I am thankful for...take out

2011-11-20T21:28:00.001-05:00

For busy nights, for nights ( and days) when cooking just isn't appealing, will take too long or I crave something I can't make easily....

19. I am thankful for...a day out with a friend

2011-11-19T19:27:00.000-05:00

Early Matinee (to avoid the screaming, giggling teens)
Lunch
Shopping

A much needed day of friendship, gossip and fun.

18. I am thankful for...My school calendar!

2011-11-18T18:16:00.000-05:00

We are off next week, work 3 weeks, then off 2 weeks....
I LOVE school work schedules!!

My students need me to be "my best." I truly give them my all-and it depletes me physically and emotionally.

I know people think students should be in school more...and perhaps they are right in many ways...
but as teachers, therapists, assistants-We give our students everything of us-sometimes without getting much, if anything, back (especially in Special Education) . We hear screaming (and sometimes not just by students with behavioral challenges), get hit, kicked, sometimes bit daily (I am in preschool special ed, remember, typically one of the first types of intervention a child receives-we start from the beginning),-we look for microscopic changes and celebrate them. We have paperwork you can only fathom if you have "been there"-and monthly something new is added. We look at each student as part of a whole class, and as an individual. We teach them this way and that way-and when that doesn't work-we find more ways to work with our students making sure each one reaches as far into their potential as they can. Our budget is slashed, staff cut...

I could go on and on....

I need a break to recharge because my students deserve me at my best.

17. I am thankful for...

2011-11-17T18:34:00.000-05:00

My microwave. To quickly heat up left overs on a night when we have the rush from work to appointments to rush home for a home visit.

"Ryan"-an update

2011-11-17T09:01:00.000-05:00

Just a short update on "Ryan" since several people have asked me about him.

Ryan is speaking in full sentences now. He amazes me every day with the language he uses. He is completely verbal now.

"I dropped it", "It's broken", "Can I have another one?" "I put it on top of the shelf." These were spoken by him on Tuesday.

This is not the type of language one expects of a child with severe autism who was nonverbal until the middle of May this year. Look at that grammar! He is using past tense, using question words and pronouns!

His speech gets clearer every week. He will get there.

It is truly amazing to watch his progress.

16. I am thankful...that we are DONE with all our foster care classes!

2011-11-16T09:11:00.000-05:00

Last class completed! One thing checked off!
Still to do:

Complete the ever growing mounting paperwork
2 Home visits to go!

*On a side note. The husband decided* that we won't do emergency placements right away. We will do respite and asked to be matched for adoption through Legal risk placements and/or those children who are already on the adoption path.

*his decision because he would be stay-at-home Dad, dealing with everything (fyi, I was all for it.) He wants to do some respite first.

15. I am thankful for...My Job

2011-11-15T22:36:00.000-05:00

I am very grateful to have a job-and one that I really like. So many others don't have a job at all.

My husband has what has become a very part-time job-and, while he would love to work more hours, he is grateful to have anything in this economy.

I have friends that lost jobs last year. Teachers all over the state are unemployed.

I have friends that have had pay cuts each year (pay freeze + more insurance costs).

My (single mom) sister doesn't have a job. At all. I think she gave up looking after several months of rejection.

I may hate getting up early, would rather be gardening than working, would rather be wealthy and not have to work at all, gripe about the stress and the "do work at home attitude" expected by "school districts"--but I am very glad that I have a job.

Fall Speech Activity

2011-11-14T19:52:00.000-05:00

This activity happened by chance. Don't you love that?
I was reading a Matt and Molly Story (the Autumn set) about raking leaves.
Matt and Molly stories are simple. 4 big pictures. 1 or 2 simple sentences per picture. My preschool students love them. There is a set of simple questions that goes with them.
The last question (usually the only "thought" question) was, "Have you ever raked leaves?" My students said, "no". So I created this activity:

My students LOVE it. The premise is simple-they each get to rake the leaves and be the dog (who messes them up in the story). (Some of my students are not ready to listen to the story-so we just raked leaves and left out the dog :) )

Some of the vocabulary I incorporated is:
up
down
rake
leaf, leaves
in
basket
my turn
your turn
he/she is
I want...)
Can I (be the dog)
I am (raking/the dog)
Finished/Stop/Go (The student raking had to tell the dog to "go" and "stop")
big/little
red, yellow, orange

I created a picture board for my less verbal students. The bigger board holds all the pictures. I typically put the actual core vocabulary we were targeting for a student on a smaller board.

I also used the pictures to create visual sentences for my students trying to increase their sentence length. They used the pictures as cues to make a longer sentence for me.

This is one activity I will be repeating!

14. I am thankful for....My local library

2011-11-14T19:48:00.000-05:00

My #12 Thankful thing was books....but what I left out was that I rarely BUY any books. I love my local library system. I get on their website and request whatever book I want and it shows up for me to read. It's as simple as that. Rarely is there a book I want that the library (via the all-county system) doesn't have. Since I read around 100 books a year being able to borrow books (and videos!) for free has saved me hundreds-no, thousands of dollars. I can't imagine having to buy every book I read. Or trying to borrow someone else's.

Funding for libraries has been cut like everything else. I am proud to support my library.

Sensory Boxes

2011-11-14T08:57:00.000-05:00

Each month I create a Sensory Box for my students.

(Full Disclosure: I happen to work with a teacher Who Has Saved Everything so most of the time I just have to say, "Let's do this...." and outline out what I want, talk to her to get her input, tweak the idea-and Kaboom-things start flying through the air from her many boxes and closets)

Here are 3 of the boxes made so far this year:

The ice cream box.

Made from various sized/colored pom-poms, and and ice cream set (bowls, cones, spoons) but you can easily use "normal" bowls and spoons.

The Fall Box

Made from hay, (fake) leaves, felt stickers, small craft apples and a wooden squirrel.

Thanksgiving Box

Made from corn litter, craft gourds, craft corn husks and turkey thick stickers. I also left one small spider and 3 small heavy ghosts from my Halloween box (not pictured) because they hide really well in the litter and the kids love finding them!.
I also took a picture of 1 of everything in the box for matching (That 1 spider is hard to find!). I didn't photograph the ghosts. I figured something "surprising" would be fun.

An adult sits with the box and facilitates play, language and fun. My boxes are the size of a dishpan-so only 1-3 students at a time can play at one time (depends on the class/student).

These boxes are great for language facilitation and vocabulary development.
They also engage and calm some of our children diagnosed (or presenting symptoms similar to) autism.

Here are some ideas for the next few months:
December: Christmas: I am thinking red, gold, green tinsel (cut up into small pieces-or better yet, THEY can cut it up) as the base.
January-Snow. I am looking for a bag of loose "snow"
February-Ice (I will freeze things in a block of ice to be "hammered" out)
February-Red (If the ice idea doesn't work out)

13. I am thankful for...My health

2011-11-13T19:03:00.000-05:00

I have annoying health issues.

Lots of allergies (airborne and food). (mild-ish) asthma. Infertility. Mildly high blood pressure seemingly caused by fertility drugs several years ago-that medication still struggles to make normal. A herniated disc causing exercise to be less than my preference.

But nowhere in that list is something that I really need to worry about (other than take some medication, monitor my food).

I am healthy in my opinion. There are so many other problems I could have. So many other problems.

12. I am thankful for...Books

2011-11-12T19:35:00.000-05:00

Reading is a hobby, an escape--a way of life for me.

I love to read. I love the places books take you and how they allow you to be someone, be somewhere, experience something from your couch, bed, waiting room, park...wherever--

Books get me through stressful times. I have literally gone through periods where a book never left my hand. If I had a minute-waiting for a doctor's appointment, waiting for a TV show, waiting for dinner to cook...my nose was in a book. Otherwise my mind would wander to the stressful situation currently trying to occupy every waking moment. Reading was the only thing keeping me sane.

I read daily. I find things to read when (gasp) there isn't a book in sight. Like food boxes. (Come on-If you love to read you KNOW that you read them, too).

I used to check out 15 books a week during the summer before 4th grade. (Typically 14 Hardy boys, nancy drew, cherry Ames student nurse, Bobbsey twins, Trixie Belden, Boxcar Children and 1 non-fiction)

I have a 200+ TBR (To-Be-Read) list on Goodreads (let me know if you are on there, too--we can "be book friends") and I will read them all, yet never will my TBR list drop below 200-I find books daily to add to it. That's ok. I plan on a lifetime of reading.

11. I am thankful for...Our Service Men and Women

2011-11-11T21:28:00.000-05:00

I don't always think of them....those keeping us safe. That's a good thing if you think about it. What I mean is, I don't have a daily reminder. There is not any widespread violence, no insurgents, no war within our country's border. I don't have to wonder if I will be kidnapped or shot by rebels or stopped by soldiers. I don't have to carry a passport, hide my valuables, ration my food-or go hungry for that matter.

For that--and a whole bunch of other reasons too countless to list-I am so very grateful to those that serve, and served.

10. I am thankful for....a childhood

2011-11-10T10:33:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for my childhood. That I was protected from all the horrors of the world. I had a childhood with parents who didn't fight in front of me (even after the divorce-nothing bad was ever said about the other parent), who shielded me from the local and world news, who rarely had to talk to me about death or serious illness.

I had a safe childhood-free from all the ugly stuff I hear about what some children endure at the hands of others.

For that, I can never express how thankful I am.

9. I am thankful for...my warm, soft bed

2011-11-09T22:48:00.000-05:00

...which is where I am heading right now.

8. I am thankful for....my foster/adopt group

2011-11-08T22:52:00.000-05:00

A few months ago someone told me about a monthly meeting of a "support group" for foster care/adoption. I tentatively walked in knowing no one-and was immediately welcomed. These women have talked me "down off the ledge" when the thought of the unknown has overwhelmed me. Classes, home visits, inspections, clearances-if's/whens/hows....it's all so scary when you think about it. That fear was a big part of the reason we didn't start this process earlier. The women there are at various stages-all (except 1) have adopted. Several continue to do "emergency" foster care. Some are no longer foster parents-content to focus their attention on their (now adopted) children.

I have asked so many questions-and no one has ever said that the questions were silly.

Each time I go-I learn something new.

I am not sure where we would be in this process had I not found this group....

7. I am thankful for...my friends

2011-11-07T20:43:00.000-05:00

In this day and age-friends come in many forms
Best friends
Social friends
Coworker friends
Social media friends
~~and I am sure I could add more categories~~

They all have a place in my life.

I cherish and am thankful for each and every one.

6. I Am thankful for...sunny days

2011-11-06T14:50:00.000-05:00

I love sunshine. Although I am a 'Burgh girl in my heart...I am a sunshine and beach girl by nature.
Give me sunny, hot and humid weather over cold any day.
But for now (since my hot, humid beach living days are gone) I will take sunny over cloudy. And love it.

5. I am grateful for Saturday mornings

2011-11-05T10:09:00.000-04:00

Whether I want to sleep in or get up and watch some indulgent TV...Saturday mornings are ME time. The husband sleeps in or does his own thing. I love my Saturday mornings. As I write this I am watching something with cute actors and a mindless plot. A weekly series that I love because of those two factors. My dog is snuggled up next to me and the coffee is hot.

Perfect.

4. I am grateful for...soft, warm blankets

2011-11-04T23:38:00.000-04:00

It's so nice to snuggle up in one when you don't feel well...or are cold..or both.

3. I am thankful for....My husband

2011-11-03T18:43:00.000-04:00

We have gone through a lot together. We get each other through our individual rough patches. He always seems to know that I need some extra attention. He came and took me to lunch today. Knew I needed to get out in the warm, fresh air. We sat outside and ate. I drank up the sun. When I got home, he had the yard stuff ready. This is a good thing. I love yard work. I am the first to work in the yard-and the last to pack it up for the winter. I have been known to cover the flower beds with sheets up at night until Christmas to continue seeing the blooming flowers.
Yard work and gardening calm me, de-stress me, organize my thoughts, work though issues.
He knew it was exactly what I needed today.

2. I am thankful for....Twitter

2011-11-02T23:02:00.000-04:00

Whoever invented Twitter deserves a big hug from me. I love twitter. I can keep in touch with friends-both IRL and ones found through social media. The tweeps I follow are witty and awesome.
Also, I can reach out to fellow SLP's-get advice and just vent-to people who "get it". We have great discussions on topics in our field. (#slpeeps, #SlpsnQ's, #Slpchat. When I need a moment-at work-at home..to just distract myself to unwind. I can always count on Twitter to do just that.

Twitter is one of the fastest ways for breaking news. (omg Sid Crosby-wore a "regular" helmet indicating he was cleared for contact? Twitter exploded immediately) My husband (the sports man) is amazed sometimes at what I find out before him.

Have you ever watched a hockey or football game while simultaneously following twitter? Awesome. It's a whole different experience. A virtual trip to the stadium.

Try it sometime.

Look me up on twitter:
@chicklitlisa
@SLPLisa

1. I am thankful for...My dog

2011-11-01T22:07:00.001-04:00

Life gets crazy. Life appears harder some days than others. I don't always keep tabs on my thoughts...and find myself drifting into negative thinking more and more. It is a downward spiral I hate-but can't seem to shake it. I know why--and I will eventually get ahead of those negative thoughts...but for now, I need a distraction.
With this in mind, I decided to do a month of things I am thankful for in my life.

1. I am thankful for my dachshund, Chloe. She is always happy to see me. She loves me unconditionally. I can walk out of the room and come back and her tail wags like it would for a homecoming of a long lost family member. When I have a stressful day, or feel sick, or just need a lift in spirits. She is there wagging her tail or snuggled up against me contentedly. I can do no wrong in her eyes (or if I do-a treat, a throw of a ball or Squeak make everything right in an instant.)

She is instant happiness. A smile maker.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T11:47:00.000-04:00

or...should I say Happy Halloweinie?

Something I never thought I would do...

2011-10-07T18:32:00.000-04:00

I love to read. I have for as long as I can remember. I would sneak and read in bed instead of going to sleep (a bright hallway light and good eyes). I just love the feel of a book in my hands. Packing 10 to go on a weeks vacation (because one never knows what sort of reading mood the vacation atmosphere might have).

I have been aware of audio books and ebooks-but never ever thought about "reading" them. For me, the feel of a book in hand is part of my reading experience. Also, the thought of missing something because I was "distracted" by driving worried me.

Until recently.

Someone in my book club raved about the audiobook "To Kill a Mockingbird". She offered it to me to listen to. Read by Sissy Spacek (50th anniversary edition). It. was. Amazing. I had read the book and watched the movie in high school. After 2 discs I coerced my husband into listening to it. He loved it. (and for him-who has read maybe a tenth of books I have in the 10+ years I have known him-that's a huge compliment) He caught up to me fairly quickly and several of my tweets that week were about the frustration of him holding the next disc hostage.

I have been hooked on audiobooks since then. Another favorite was The Bonesetter's daughter, by Amy Tan-and loved that it was read by 2 Chinese-Americans. The accented English was perfect for it.

But I still passed on ebooks. Last month my book club chose an older book to read. When I checked the book out of the library I knew that I would have to read it in the free ebook form. This is the worst time of year for my asthma and allergies-and the faint mustiness of the books was more than I could handle. So I downloaded it and read it, with the book sitting next to me (I could not resist bookmarking my place each night to gauge my progress). I have to say-I didn't mind the ebook format. It would certainly solve my vacation issue (10 books is a lot of space!).

If you have been on the fence about audio books or ebooks as I was-don't be. My audio book love has made my commute to and from work something to look forward to!

I am listening to one of my favorite books right now-Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon.

My recommendation-start with something smaller...something you may have read and liked (Highly recommend that 50t anniversary edition to To Kill A Mockingbird-I can't say enough about Sissy Spacek's narration. Brilliant)

Chicken Soup for the Soul

2011-10-02T20:41:00.000-04:00

"It's good, but it's not as good as Aunt Jean's."   This statement cut through me in an instant. My husband had uttered this after tasting some meal I made sometime after we started living together. I angrily fought back tears. I had made a favorite dish of his. A recipe that was raved over by others. And he had the nerve to actually say those words. out loud.

Aunt Jean, in his eyes, is the best cook ever. We all have that person in our lives. Usually it's your mother or grandmother. For him, it's her.   Aunt Jean cooked all the Sunday dinners and football tailgates of his life. She IS a great cook. I look forward to the dinners we eat with her. I just don't like hearing how my cooking doesn't live up to hers. (Does anyone?)

My husband doesn't have the best filter when it comes to me. He says things that, well, I think he should have edited or kept to himself. He was being honest-but he should have stopped at "It's good." Over the years he has learned to edit himself most of the time-actually ALL of the time when it comes to my cooking-since I made him cook dinner for a week after that...and any other time he made reference to my cooking being less than exemplary-which, for both our sakes, have been very few. :)

Tonight, I made my favorite chicken soup recipe. I have made it several times before and he has eaten it without much comment. Tonight was different. He looked at me and said, "I really think you need to make this and take it with us the next time we go to Aunt Jean's so she can have some. I think she would like it."

That's the best food compliment he could ever give me!

It's surprising what you find when you take a different route home

2011-09-17T16:14:00.000-04:00

A surprise on a road full of housing plans:

I love the barn in the background:

The year of the flood

2011-09-12T20:42:00.000-04:00

The new school year started out great-the preschool classrooms I provide speech therapy are challenging-but manageable. I knew all the students-had plans in my head for the 10 non-communicators. I went in on a day off to my speech room and scrubbed my floor, organized my desk and got things ready. That first day, as he kids arrived and were obviously happy to be back.

All was good.

For 10 minutes.

That's when a pipe burst. There was a woosh-and a jet engine sound...which was water spewing out of the wall in the bathroom at an incredible rate. Within one minute, water was pouring down the hall into the rooms-including mine.

The next few minutes are a blur. I was running at full speed around the room, unplugging/picking up electrical cords, anything not plastic was (literally) tossed onto any shelf, ledge, table, desk....I was dragging my (now full) tables onto the tile, trying to get the very large area rug up. I have a very large speech room by most standards-full of stuff collected by my predesessor over the 30 years prior to her retirement (plus the 7 boxes of my stuff I brought with me-2 of which I don't have room to unpack). It's wonderful to have all that stuff--except when water is gushing in and suddenly in all four corners.

In the end, only one classroom was spared--the teacher had enough time (she's at the end of the hall) and ingenuity to shut her door and pile up diapers as a dam (it also helped she is apparently the "highest room" in the hallway after years of the foundation settling). Everything else-2 inches of water covered it before they found the water shut off (we lease the basement of a church-who (unfortunately on this day) has a new custodian-and of all places-the water shut off is in the ceiling hidden somewhere-somewhere no one could find.)

That wasn't the worst of it. My room dried (after lots of shop vac use, moving every shelf and cabinet to the center of the room and running fans for 2 days. I had gotten the carpet up in time.
It was the classroom causing the problem. The carpet-older then the hills and when it was wet and drying-it smelled. A horrid gagging odor. It didn't dry out.

We held class in that odor. Barricading my door and the spared classroom against the worst of it. We used my room as a classroom some days, combined kids on others. It was awful. A humid mess.

That's when we were told we were moving. We would have to pack up one day, move and unpack the next-and somehow see the kids. I am not even joking. The reluctance to cancel class was amazing.

Until my supervisor came a week later. She got one whiff of the smell (that, btw, we had been telling her about for one full week) and cancelled class for 3 days. She had us go sit in another school-doing paperwork/busy work/whatever. She gave our employer 3 days to figure out what to do. Move us-or tear up the carpet. They thankfully chose plan B (we don't want to move.)

The kids came back today-to rooms that smell better-but to rooms still disorganized from the chaos. I am still searching for things I use often-that were thrown out of reach of the water or the little hands that touched every square inch of my room during the time their class was held in my room :)

The last 2 weeks have made my Noah's Ark curtains hanging in my speech room:
-ironic.

ps-I have pictures, including the "diaper dam", I took with my phone-but I have an ancient phone and when I send them to my email they are the body of the email-not an attachment.

Never forget

2011-09-11T09:02:00.001-04:00

image from here

Mini update

2011-09-09T22:06:00.000-04:00

We picked a foster care agency and start classes next week!!

1 step forward...2 steps backward...

2011-08-24T21:53:00.000-04:00

It has been about a month or so since my husband and I decided to go ahead with building our family through adoption. I still don't have medical clearance (for a pregnancy) to even think about IVF for me-and I am over 40 so I am not even sure it's a good idea. (almost there with the clearance-they can't find anything-Yay!-but there is this "noise" that shouldn't be there so MRI's and Ultrasounds are being done 1 by 1 to rule out everything to classify me as just an odd duck)

So the husband and I went to an orientation on newborn adoption. It was hard to hear the price tag-even though we knew what it was before we went (over 20K minimum). Also, if for some reason you aren't accepted (fail the application, home study, references-anything) you don't get a refund-not that we would fail-but zOMG that's a scary prospect. There is also the matter of putting yourself out there for a birth mom to "pick" from all the others. THAT alone is daunting. Then there is the time factor. 2-4+ years. or sooner-again-it's the "pick me!" factor.

I called some foster care/adoption agencies.
One really discouraged me from coming in-they prefer to serve people who want older kids. I "could" be served by them...but really, they don't want me.

One agency hasn't contacted me back at all

One I have called 3-4 times a week for 3+ weeks. The woman tried to call me once, maybe twice. I call almost daily (and leave messages every other day)-she is either in a training or "out (in the field) for the rest of the week"

I know foster care/adoption can be a hassle-but seriously, I am almost striking out even getting to an orientation.

Finally, yesterday I found and contacted another agency. They got back to me right away. Unfortunately a couple hours too late for us to make it to the orientation being held last night. BUT there is one next week. Good thing I have an understanding boss because I will have to go from Washington to Shadyside (?) by 5pm. At least it's something, though.

I keep going into the "kids room" and sit. It's nice in there. (it's as done as it can be for now) We need a crib that changes to a toddler bed, though.

Pin it

2011-08-12T17:57:00.076-04:00

Have you ever seen an idea that just grabs you on the internet? You know the one. The one that will change your house/work/life. The one you have to remember for the future. So you bookmark it. And a couple/years months later can't find it, have no idea where it is in the 10's of thousands of urls staring at you from your bookmark dropdown. Yeah, that's me. I have an entire page of small print urls, continuous text, in a word document on my desktop-bookmarks from my old computer. I have no idea what's there-and when I remember one and need to find it-it takes forever.

Until Pinterest.

I specifically started on Pinterest to see if I could "pin" speech therapy ideas (I actually emailed requested an invite of Pinterest-because no one I knew was on it (yet)) At the time, I couldn't find any other SLP's on that site. No speech ideas. No language ideas-barely any teaching ideas nothing. I started adding my "finds", liking the idea of "visual, sorted bookmarks" wondering if it would catch on...and in the meantime collecting tons of cool ideas for the home and recipes to make....wow! such great stuff.

Today, I have so many ideas in my "speech therapy toolbox" that I have found on Pinterest. Therapy ideas, classroom ideas, crafts, sensory....all visually sorted. I find new things every day.

Here are just a few:
Tap the lights for words in a sentence or sounds in a word...

Source: lilcountrykindergarten.blogspot.com via Lisa on Pinterest

A pirate sensory box...great for language therapy

Source: countingcoconuts.blogspot.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Sensory stepping stones!

Source: wendyjanelle.blogspot.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Hand print crafts:

Source: weheartit.com via Lisa on Pinterest

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and ideas for my home (or dream home)

Source: melissa-dontforget.blogspot.com via Lisa on Pinterest

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Source: flickr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

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Source: realsimple.com via Lisa on Pinterest

if you haven't checked out Pinterest-do so.

I am ChicoryBlue (all one word) so look me up and follow me.

You can take a look at my boards-there are speech ideas, classroom things, and just general life categories. If you like what you see request an invite from me. you can request on the link above-or leave me a comment with your email address.

You won't regret it!

Oh-and if you are already there-help me find you!

I guess I have to add this: Pinterest doesn't even know I am writing about them. They didn't ask me to and I am not being compensated in any way. I'm just spreading my love of this site.

A Flutter of Butterflies

2011-07-29T23:08:00.000-04:00

Walking along the waters edge at Ohiopyle, PA I found this:

A beautiful butterfly:

A few friends decided to join him/her:

and then more:

and then even more!

A huge flutter of butterflies:

Here's to step one....

2011-07-18T17:34:00.000-04:00

I called a foster/adoption agency today.

It isn't like I (we) haven't pondered this (and went to informational meetings and read everything and anything and 'picked the brains' of those who have done (or thought about doing) this before.) for I forget how many years.) Things happened. We moved. The husband wanted to wait. I wanted things to be "just right". Then (mild but annoying) health issues and job worries crept in.....

Then, we thought we wouldn't have to adopt (or at least not for our 1st) only to be flung harshly back to square one, but emotionally not ready for anything but huddling inside our 4 walls.

So here we are- tired and emotionally drained-the thought of no children in our house is just crippling us. I doubt we will ever "be ready."

Sometimes it takes a Leap of Faith.

So we jumped

I emailed Children youth and Families in early June. Talked to someone the next week. Asked for agencies with specific detailed information (age of kids, foster-to-adopt, etc). She recommended an agency to call. Called them 3 or 4 times since then. No response. Called them today and insisted I talk to someone-no more messages...only to find out that they don't really deal with what we want to do.

So-did what I did not really want to do:
"Opened the phone book" (google, really). Closed eyes-and picked an agency. That's scary-to place your hopes and dreams on something/someone randomly.

I had a great conversation-and for the first time in awhile- feel like we might be moving in the right direction. I should get information in the mail and a phone call this week.

I can't wait.

I simple wish

2011-07-12T09:05:00.000-04:00

I thought 2006-2007 was the worst year (12 month span). The year I was told by more than 1 doctor that I was very infertile, lost my favorite! job! ever! due to budget cuts, and both of my closest grandparents declined drastically-all this in a span of 10 days. Oh-I lost that job on my birthday-in the middle of my "party" at work. Then I was in a job I absolutely hated making less money...prices went up, salary went down and we ended up leaving the place we loved to move home (and while I love Pittsburgh, it feels like a failure when you have to move home due to finances.)

Then, 2010-11 happened. Both of my aforementioned grandparents died. Then the worst thing ever happened.

It's a "new" year now (if you start from when things started going bad last year)...and I am asking for one simple thing...to have the best ever. I really need it. Trust me on that one.

Job Status-from one extreme to another

2011-06-16T23:42:00.000-04:00

Last week, I wrote about how stressed I was over my job.

This week, I have gone from one extreme to another. My job is safe-and my boss offered me a new position.

So from (possibly) no job-to a choice between 2-my current position (therapy), which I love and am good at-or another position (evaluations)-which I love and am good at.

Several years ago, I lived in a warm and sunny state. Then, I landed job on a Pre-K Assessment Team. It was a dream job. I loved it. I love evaluating preschoolers. Call me crazy. I was very good at my job. It was low stress-a nice bonus. My team was like family. Then, my position was cut. I was grief-stricken. I was bitter (boss found a way to cut me and not her friend). It ultimately caused me to have to leave the warm and sunny state and move home (3 month pay cut).

I got a job here-providing speech therapy to preschoolers. I love it. I am good at it. I finally found my therapy niche (after several stressful tries at K-12 and even a nursing home). 3 months ago, I landed a "no travel" position. I really wanted it. A classroom-sized therapy room stuffed with materials. I still have 2 boxes not unpacked because I need to sort through the stuff in my room and give away some. Not even kidding. I have a nice relationship with the teachers.

This week, I saw my boss and questioned her about my job status-with the news from the union that 70 teachers are being cut-and that the list went back to people hired several years before me-I was panicked. She reassured me that SLP's are pretty safe. We are a hard-to find amenity and we are not being cut as far as she knows.

She is reinstating the Diagnostic team in my county because (as we all knew would happen) the Child Find procedures in place of a team is not working at all(previous supervisor got rid of it because the (now retired employees) team was very unproductive-slow as molasses-1-2 evaluations a week, in a good week).

And she offered me the SLP position. She knows it's my first love (job wise).

Surprisingly, I took all week to come to a decision. Well, I had the decision that second-but I took a week to really think it over. I love the job I have now. I lose some stability if I take it. There will be some travel. If the team is cut again, I will be back to an all travel position-or worse (into a K-12 position)--and I would miss the position I have now-the one I have worked so hard at lately. I also feel guilty-leaving something so good. Leaving the staff, the kids, the no-travel. I doubt I will get a chance again for a coveted no-travel position.

I emailed her tonight. I want the position. I was kidding myself all week going through the pros and cons. In truth, I am the most experienced to set up a new team-a new way of doing things-since the way she wants to do it is almost exactly the same way my old team worked. I know I can make a team productive and within the time lines (something not happening now).

In truth, no matter how much I like my current position...The evaluation team is, and always will be-the job I will pick any day over all others....

Exhausted Rambling

2011-06-11T23:31:00.000-04:00

I have no idea why I agreed to move 2 miles down the road.
I think it's the 3rd bedroom.
I want one.
and the storage (a garage, closets (!!!) shelves and cupboards galore (except, ironically, in the kitchen which has the least amount of cabinets I have ever seen in one). Did I mention closets? and storage (something we are severely lacking in out current place)

Maybe it's the backyard (once you climb over the cliff)-there is a great space for a (well-deer proofed) garden....once we clear it--the previous tenants didn't mow the grass back there for 5 years. Srsly-5 years of weeds).
The husband was sold on the place when he saw the "man cave" and the fact that it has AC. and the fact that there is so much less dust. Our place now is full of it-No matter how much I clean, the next day there is a layer of dust. There is still coal in the ductwork from a billion years ago when there was a coal furnace (before 1940, since our gas furnace is at least that old)

It certainly wasn't the location.
or the driveway (I will have to park across the street a few houses down in the winter because it's a STEEP driveway on a busy street)

or the fact that we have to move in 8 days so we can go to the beach and relax.

or the fact that every room needs painted. By Tuesday. (carpet cleaners are coming) and we have not been able to start the biggest room (DR/LR combo) because the brother is still chipping/sanding tile and whatever else you do to install a new tub.

I am exhausted. I love painting (really, I do!) My body doesn't.
Every wall and closet and cupboard needs scrubbed. 5 years of Dust and grime and dog coat the walls. The garage even needs scrubbed.

The outside needs work, too. Oh-and I have to find a place, prepare it and transplant all my plants.

and I need to pack....

and sleep....

and work....

Stress...part 1

2011-06-06T22:32:00.000-04:00

Summer is supposed to be my down time...My fun time...My relax and don't think about work time.
This summer-is not fun. My mind won't let me relax. I can't stop thinking about work.

There is a very good chance I will be unemployed and without health benefits in 24 days.

The state school system is in serious trouble. Our new governor is cutting over one BILLION dollars to public schools. It means that every school system is cutting back. Furlough are everywhere. Programs are cut. Pay-for-play sports are becoming reality all over the place.

No one is happy about it-not the students, the parents, the employees or administration (but now that I think about it--I see that there are no cuts in administration forthcoming)

Due to multiple factors, my employer is Furloughing over 70 special education teachers. To be announced June 30th. Teachers hired in 2002 were told (by our union) they were "on the borderline" of the cut. I was hired in 2006. I am having a hard time rationalizing this. To have have worked for over 4 years for a school, be tenured and still be on the chopping block (and my coworkers who have worked 5, 6, 7 and more years and are not safe either) is unfathomable to me.

I am the only one employed full-time and with benefits in my house. (and FYI-I do not make a lot of money as a (speech) teacher....I am on a teachers salary--Jump steps are far far far in my future-so far that they will probably be nonexistent when I actually get that far into the salary scale.)

The Stress gets thicker:

Should I be lucky enough to have a job after June 30th-there is a good chance that it won't be the one I have now. The one I love. The one where I make a difference. With the age group I love (preschool). My employer realigns everyone during a furlough-changing positions to absorb the holes left by cuts-meaning they can move me anywhere they want to accommodate someone with more seniority than me.

I don't sleep. I toss and turn. My stomach is in knots.

All I can do is wait for that letter on June 30th. Telling me where to report for work...or not.

A beautiful sound

2011-05-20T18:48:00.001-04:00

"uhI wah eeep" (computer voice: I want sheep)
I stared at the 4 year old boy who had just pushed the buttons on a communication device to ask for a farm animal for my playset for a few seconds, then gave him the sheep.
"uhI wah uho" (computer voice: I want horse)
My heart skipped a beat. I gave him the horse. I called the classroom teacher over. I couldn't tell her why-just please, please come.
"uhI wah pi" (computer voice: "I want pig") I gave him the pig-not breathing..
"uhI wah ow: (computer voice: "I want cow") I gave him the cow.
I turned to the teacher. She met my eyes and I knew instantly she heard it too.
"Ryan" was saying what the ipad app said just before the computer voice did.
The little boy with severe autism-who was completely non-verbal-had found his voice.

"Ryan" is talking.

Lesson of Day: Read the directions.

2011-04-22T00:38:00.000-04:00

When I received my Juror Summons in the mail last month, after the initial groaning I sat down and read what was basically a large post card. It very clearly stated that the attached questionnaire had to be returned (by mail or complete online). The attached questionnaire had a postage paid envelope. 10 yes/no questions that were things like: are you in the active military, are you 18 or older, can you read? Things you don't really need to think about. I completed mine online. It took less than 2 minutes, start to finish-and that probably included walking over to my "To do" pile, rifling through it for the Summons, turning on my computer, logging in and navigating to the website-it was that quick. It might have even been quicker to check off the boxes, seal it and mail it.
So imagine my surprise when the head of Jurors (I am sure she has a better title than that) looked around the room and announced that there were far too many people present. There were 100 of us present. A full 40% had not followed directions on the Juror summons and filled out and returned the questionnaire. They were dismissed immediately as "unqualified" with no credit for the day, no documentation for employers and a curt-you WILL be back here very soon-you are deferred only until they draw the next lot.
Did they do this on purpose?
If they did it on purpose. Why? They showed up. They didn't request deferrals ahead of time (which you could do). They had to come to the courthouse at an hour that meant they were up before dawn. They had to take off work and not get paid (since they get no credit). They have to come back. Why go through that.
On the other hand, if it wasn't on purpose-how did they miss the directions to finish the questionnaire. I mean, I had to search on the paper for the reporting room number for awhile because THAT was written in small print-while the Directions to return the questionnaire were in a larger, bold font. Not to mention that envelope. Didn't that peak their curiosity?

Maybe it's because I am a rule-follower at heart that I just don't get it.

It all started with a treat

2011-04-19T15:49:00.000-04:00

It all started with a treat. When we acquired our long-haired dachshund, Chloe, she was a tiny puppy someone had the bright idea to house-train her using treats. I suppose I read it somewhere since I was until that moment a cat-only person. Being the "responsible" pet owner I promptly bought a different type of food to use as treats (versus the fatty 'regular' treats.) and counted them in her daily diet.

To my husbands surprise (he who had multiple dogs and never thought the treat idea would work) Chloe was house trained in 4 days. Actually, it was more like 2-but she had puppy worms and had a few accidents beyond her control.

Then came day 5-and on that day or beautiful smart puppy trotted out happily to "GO bathroom", squatted down...and popped back up without doing anything...and demanded her treat. We were amused-but didn't fall for it. Chloe decided to test this for several days before finally admitting defeat. Or did she-since she suddenly decided to go #1, come in-get her treat...then want back out for #2 and ANOTHER treat. And, we allowed this because, hey, she followed the rules.

Fast forward 11+ years. Chloe (well within the preferred weight set by Vet I might add) continues to milk treats from us for every 'excursion' outside. By now, it is an ingrained instinct. She hunts us down and makes us remember to give her a treat if we dare forget.

At some too-early time this morning I took her highness out to the bathroom. Gave her her treat and we went back to bed. I got resettled on bed and was dropping back to sleep when Chloe insisted she needed to go out again. SO I made The husband take her out. He came back shaking his head saying she went out and came back in-but no business. We settled down again and once again, she insisted she needed to go out. Annoyed, I grabbed her up and went downstairs muttering something about The husband.

At the bottom of the steps it hit me. The little Sh*t didn't want to go out the the bathroom. She wanted a treat. Not her BATHROOM treat...but her (perceived) BEDTIME treat. You see, for the last few days I have taken a red Twizzler to bed and we have shared it. Chloe loves red Twizzlers. Loves them. She can smell them a mile away. She gets a (small) bite or two when either of us is eating one. Its one of her rare sinful treats.

She was 'confused'. She thought that since we were downstairs...and went up to bed that she should get a Twizzler treat.

Uh-uh. No way. She's too smart to be 'confused'. She was playing us. At some mind numbing minute of the way-too-early morning.

Someone furry ended up sleeping the rest of the night on the floor. Sans Twizzler.

flipped

2011-04-18T20:38:00.001-04:00

I was given a Flip camera for work months ago. I used it with my students (GREAT for tracking progress for some kids!) and, when I got my new position, tossed it in my camera bag during the move from office to office so it wouldn't get lost or crushed in my 7+ boxes of stuff plus the bonanza of stuff in my new office. Fast forward to yesterday, when I remembered that I had tossed it into the camera bag and it really should be at work. So I dug it out and, just for fun, I turned it on. Of course, it didn't work. I spent 10 minutes rummaging around in 2 camera bags and 2 drawers looking for the charger. I concluded the charger must be at work. Today-I spent 10 minutes looking in various boxes and cabinets and drawers for the charger.
Finally, I found the box. Inside-NO charger.
10 more minutes spent looking for the charger. 10 minutes panicking that I lost the charger, wondering if I could buy a new one and how much it would be.

I was out of options, I looked in every single place it should be-and some it shouldn't. I was about to conclude I overlooked the charger at home-necessitating another search party at home...when it finally dawned on me.

It takes (nonrechargable) batteries.

Dreary

2011-04-09T19:53:00.001-04:00

It's Spring on the calendar...but not outside...and not inside either.
The days are cloudy and cold here still. That's just not right.
Last year, after Snowmageddon, we were blessed with a summer-like spring. I clearly remember being in shorts, eating ice cream and marveling at the HUGE snowpile still melting in a mall parking lot.

This year, my mood matches the weather--dreary.
I am trying to shake it....but not really succeeding.

I am tired and, while I have energy, I have no desire to move. My couch sucks me in. I have always procrastinated...now, I am beyond procrastinating into blatant having no desire to do what needs done until there is motivation (like no clothes left to wear before doing laundry...or, case-in-point-taxes-which sit there staring at me.)

I want to walk...and run...and I can't. Oh-not from the drearyness...but from some mild ache in my hip-sciatica we think. It makes my inner thigh on one side tight. I am pretty sure I have the cause of it pinned down (new job-long drive + sitting all day in small chairs with no break)...now for resolving the issue.

When I don't have pain, I walk...sometimes. Others I talk myself out of it...enjoy the ache-free day I tell myself...but regret it later.

The tiredness is partially from my new position. I enjoy it...but I am playing catch-up in a position that has more work daily...

Of course, I know the real reason for my mood. The weather is just not helping matters.

When it is sunny-I go outside. I feel better. I really do.
It's the only thing that helps shake this right now...

Random Blah

2011-03-13T16:07:00.000-04:00

I started my new position and it is everything I thought it would be. I love being in one place-having all my materials there. The kids are great-most what I consider with a "typical delay"....a few really challenging. Really. challenging. I have several students who are non-verbal with severe autism. One child is globally delayed and completely blind. A couple kids have behavior problems in addition to their delays. Kids who deliberately throw sand at me, try to hit me, etc. while smiling and smirking. Just the challenge I wanted. I am learning to think big-but start small. I was lucky this week-many students were absent, so I got to know many of my students without the time crunch schedule I have most days. I am still trying to clean up things from my old position-and have several tasks that need immediate attention in the new one- so juggling tasks from both jobs is stressful. But climbing into my clean car carrying only my lunch box and computer makes the stress magically disappear.

My dog, Chloe, has been to the Vet twice in seven days for things other than check-ups. She has a growth on her gums. Right now it isn't interfering with eating, but it needs to be removed. The doc thinks it isn't something worrisome, but until it is gone and test results confirm that-we are worried enough so we scheduled the surgery for St. Patrick's day.
Chloe didn't like that we said yes to surgery apparently-since she hates all things vet related- and promptly pulled several muscles in her neck while playing with the husband-resulting in another vet visit, a shot and 2 bottles of really good drugs-effectively canceling her surgery for awhile until all the medications leave her system-over a month from now. Oh-and she gets a heating pad a few times a day to relax her even more. So now she is drugged up-but moving much better. I hate seeing her in pain.

I have been having some ups and downs lately....more downs than ups. The bad days are farther apart...but when they happen they sneak up and knock me over. I am frustrated with my body. Of course, I have been for years-but lately the fact that it lets me down monthly is so magnified. It hasn't helped that a coworker had her baby recently. It really doesn't help that I clearly remember the last time I saw her...at 21 weeks-right where I should be now. I was hiding the fact that I was pregnant...but the fact that I was actually asking her questions about her pregnancy (something I clearly avoided before) did not go unnoticed, I found out later. I am really happy for her-but clearly wish it was me.

On a related note, Dear Ben. If you really are getting married-could you please change your supposed wedding date. That date is not one I want to hear or see over and over again.

I am being called for jury duty. I am not happy about this. It isn't that I don't like our justice system. I do. I believe in it. My reasons for hating jury duty are selfish ones. First, the day I am to report is a day off for me. I think if I have to be at jury duty it should not be on my first day off in 3 months. Secondly, I hate going into downtown Pittsburgh. Loathe it. and going at the crack of dawn (I am so not a morning person)-even worse. Can't stand the thought of driving into Pittsburgh...and never have ridden the T since it became the T vs Trolley. What? I moved away for years people-and the husband and I have procrastinated about jumping on and having a fin day on it. Personally, I don't want my first ride to be under duress of where do I get off. How much is it. Do I have exact change? DO they even take cash? What T do I get on. omg. What if I get lost and arrive late? Finally, I truly do not have the personality for jury duty. While not clinically diagnosed with ADHD (which my brother has)-I have some of the traits-and probably would be diagnosed if I actually pursued it. I cannot sit still. I cannot pay attention that long without some distraction-tv, texting, reading. talking. I just cannot do this. Tedious tasks like courtroom stuff make me jiggly and wiggly and omg get me out of there. I cannot focus on one thing at a time while passively sitting. I watch tv and read or surf the web. That's one of the reasons I don't have a desk job. Oh-and do not even tell me that I might be on a jury that stays in session for an extended period of time. If I miss my students therapy-there are no subs. None. and every parent that complains will be awarded compensatory time. and guess who will be responsible for finding time for that. ME. Not my fault but I will be 'punished' for it anyway. Not fair at all.

Spring, please come soon. I need some sunshine and warmth to wipe away this dark mood...

My car=jinxed

2011-03-04T18:32:00.000-05:00

I give up. I got my new car on Valentine's Day. 4 days later someone dropped an industrial car jack (used by tow trucks and on NASCAR Pit Road (and I am sure other people/places)) and left it in the middle of the road on a dark night and my husband couldn't see it until it was too late. We spent a weekend thinking it was totaled because the metal underneath was twisted like a candy wrapper.
It wasn't-but the entire metal chassis (?) had to be replaced-for $1500 plus our considerable deductible.
It was fixed Tuesday. I have had it back 3 days. I was coming out of a store today and the car looked funny. Then it didn't. I walked up and guess what? Someone dented my car. It's not real apparent-It almost looks like it is shaped that way-but NO-look at the other side and you realize that it's dented-the perfect size of the corner of someone's bumper.

Of course, whoever did it was long gone. This probably means another claim on the insurance. 2 claims in 2 weeks. I am sure they will love this. I'm not sure how insurance works in this case. Neither of these were our fault-but without perpetrators I am sure they are counting against us-and I worry that our premium will skyrocket.

I am angry.

and I am beginning to think this car is jinxed.

Things to miss

2011-02-21T15:02:00.001-05:00

The other day I posted about my impending transfer and why I chose to take it. You can read it here.
Here is the other side of the issue:

I have a week or so and then I start my new position. I'm looking forward to it...but at the same time I am feeling sad for what I am losing.

The students I have now are great. Some I have been instrumental in teaching them to talk. From no words to complete sentences. Pushing and prodding each word and sound-encouraging parents to incorporate repetition of new skills with their children. Soothing weary parents who just don't know why their kid doesn't talk-afraid their child never will. Ignoring the looks of disbelief when I tell them things will happen. Keep going. Keep working. I can see progress even if they can't. Loving the looks when they finally believe me. Those students-the ones I have invested so much thought into-are the ones I will miss the most. Of course, there are the 3 little girls (in separate schools) who all hug me as soon as they see me. Their eyes light up. They say, "Miss Lisa I missed you!" There is the shy boy who changed preschools and when I went to his new school the absolute relief in his eyes at seeing a familiar person brought tears to my eyes. These are the moments I treasure.

Their parents are also great. They are involved with their children. They follow through with my suggestions. They get it. They are friendly. Every single one of them has my home phone number and can call me anytime. They are as much a part of their child's progress as I am-and they know it.

I have a good reputation among my preschools and families. Teachers have no trouble talking to me, listening to my suggestions and allowing me freely in their classrooms. In fact, there are several preschools that don't allow "others" in during special days (1st days of school, parties, etc.) but they trust that I will blend into the wallpaper-and not single out a child or have the child miss anything. For me, special events are prime times to observe progress. I have parents choose preschools because they know I will work with their child if they attend this one versus that one. I have had phone calls out-of-the-blue because a new family was referred by an old family and they want to know how to get me to see their child. I have one parent who moved to another county and drove her child (an hours drive) twice a week for 6 months until her house sold (and she could no longer claim my county as residence) so she could have therapy with me. It's nice to be liked. It's ego building and when I am having a bad day I don't have to look far to find something to remind me that I will win over a difficult parent, find "the key" to this child or to just trust that I am providing the appropriate therapy even though I feel "stuck" or inadequate in the moment. (fyi-I in no way think I am perfect...or even great. I'm running on instinct much of the time. I have my weak areas-the things I would do differently if I could. I'm a good therapist who cares and enjoys learning-so I keep up with therapy techniques and pay to attend conferences to better my skills-something many of my coworkers just don't do. Right now I am trying to figure out how to attend a very expensive training-I'll eventually do it--some how, some way.)

I will miss the freedom an itinerant position gives. Right now, I can go the long way to my next site, windows down, sun streaming in. (ok-maybe not right now-but in warm weather I can). I can run quick errand that is on the way. In the summer, I have a reduced caseload because kids are on vacation. I know where there is wiggle room in my schedule-if I am running late in the morning?-No problem. I will catch up. This is especially handy when a doctors appt runs over-or I need to leave a few minutes early.

I can't believe I am giving this all up....That I voluntarily want another challenge.
But I am...and I do.
It is more about me being the best therapist in the end that I can be-and to be that I have to challenge myself. I enjoy learning. I enjoy challenges. I enjoy mastering a particular problem.
This position will bring kids with more challenges. Different ones. Challenging ones.
I thrive on this.

Remind me of this when I am overwhelmed in a couple weeks....

Boredom

2011-02-20T22:05:00.000-05:00

I am bored.
It's still winter, and I know a good part of this boredom is related to that. I hate the cold and cloudy weather. I want to be outside. I want to dig in the dirt and grow things. I want to wake up to sunshine and birds singing. I want to walk and run in the fresh (warm) air. This year, the boredom is sharper. I wander around the house searching for something to spark some interest.
I can only tolerate surfing the internet, reading blogs and staring at the walls for so long. TV has little appeal, perhaps because I only have a few shows I like anymore. Maybe it's because the husband watches sports non-stop and I end up dvr-ing my shows and watching them weekend mornings.
I love to read, but lately even reading doesn't have the same kind of draw as it usually does. I like to cook, but have no interest in food. I eat but don't find comfort from it like I usually do.
The husband's IBS is flaring up from all the stress lately, so he usually just wants to sit on the couch and watch TV. I just can't do that. But I don't want to go out either. It's cold. I don't want to shop. I don't want to clean.
I don't want to DO anything...yet I'm bored doing nothing.

My red/dead car

2011-02-19T18:06:00.001-05:00

Isn't it pretty! It's my new car! I picked it up on Valentine's Day!

It's Candy Apple Red Pearl and has a Sunroof. It had me at Sunroof.

Look now, because even though it doesn't have a scratch on it-and it runs fine- on Tuesday the insurance company will most likely declare it a total loss. I had it 4 days.

It was a good night. We decided to go out and see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 at the dollar theater. On the way a deer jumped out in front of us. I swear the deer could have licked the windshield-he was that close. Yet, somehow the husband barely clipped his flank. Both car and deer appeared unharmed. Crisis averted. We enjoyed the movie (although it is far from the happy HP kids movie it once was) and headed home. Driving on a dark, yet busy road the husband came over a hill and BAM. Some a$$ left an industrial jack laying in the road and the husband couldn't stop or swerve and drove right over it, dragging it under the car until it stopped. We have no idea how it got there-dropped from the sky? Dropped out of a truck? Left there by the punk (looking) kids walking down the road? Luckily, the husband was able to back into a driveway (dragging our friend Mr. Jack) and somehow dislodged it with his feet. We drove the last mile or so home cautiously.
The damage became clear in the daylight when we looked under it. The car runs and drives fine and you would never know it was damaged except it needs an alignment-but still, you might not notice. The problem is the jack bent the frame right at the junction of the crossmember. By bent I mean twisted it like the ends of a candy wrapper. The steering column sits there. The engine mount and some other important car stuff also uses the crossmember for engine support.

Lovely.

We take it in Tuesday for an official inspection-and determination of if it can/will be fixed.

Me=NOT happy

A Transfer

2011-02-18T12:15:00.000-05:00

I found out recently that my transfer at work is approved.
I absolutely love my current position so this transfer, although wanted, is bittersweet.

My current position is serving preschool-aged students in their natural environment (homes, daycare and preschools). My new position is serving preschool-aged children in special classrooms, one for children with severe autism, the rest "mixed" abilities (moderate range).

I am petrified I made the wrong decision. I had a while to think about whether to request the change. (The person is retiring and she has been "going to" for 2 years).

1) Scheduling
Scheduling can't be that bad right? But think again. I have 30 kids in multiple sites-some morning, some afternoon. Some attend only 2 days a week. Some are only at home 1 day a week. Some don't wake up until noon. (yes, you read that right). I can rarely see more than 1 student at a time because they are in different schools, different classrooms...it goes on and on.
Here is an example: I have a spot open on Tuesday mornings. Child only goes to school Monday and Friday. I also have to make sure I don't see the child during snack or outside time because the preschool has a rule about that. I have to rearrange 6 kids at 6 homes or schools to fit new kid in, because only 3 of my 30 kids are available 5 days a week-most have their own scheduling requirements so it isn't just a matter of switching one student for another. Then, I have a spot on Thursday pm, but the parent refuses to let me come at that time-so more rearranging. I have a new kid now that attends school Tuesday and Thursday mornings. He will get multiple services so, since I was changing my schedule anyway, I asked ahead of time when the other teacher (a coworker!) will see him. I arranged my schedule to fit him in on Thursdays b/c she placed him on Tuesdays. Great. Except that she changed her mind wand didn't think to tell me (or give me any professional consideration) and is now seeing him on Thursdays. I found out when I mentioned to the parents at our meeting when I would see him- this teacher jumped in and said, "I already told them I am seeing him then. You have to change your schedule. (insert loud screaming while I move 4 more kids, make 4 more phone calls, change back 2 kids to their "old" time.) These examples all happened-last week. Not kidding. This is how my entire year goes every time I get a new student. It just goes with the job of an itinerant preschool speech therapist and it wears on me especially as my schedule gets tight with no way to meet all of these demands-and no way to fix it (for the record, my supervisor is great and realizes things are tough-she backed me up the last time this same coworker pulled the schedule switching/demanding I change my schedule routine--I just don't have the energy or desire to deal with her (coworker) right now)

2) Having a car office
I hate that my car is completely full of stuff all the time. The trunk is full, the back seat is full, the floor is full....and yet, I am constantly realizing I need something else-something at my office. When I have a few minutes, I don't have internet access to complete the non-stop and ever-growing paperwork required for special education--OR I don't actually have the papers with me.

3) Never being in my actual office (actually it's more like occupying a corner of someone's office/therapy room)
I am not obsessive about cleanliness, but I hate clutter. I hate it (of course, you would not know that if you came to my house-I live with an eternal pack rat/future hoarder who has a really hard time letting go of things). My office has dissolved into stacks of papers, piles of therapy materials and just chaos. This is not me but I don't have time to organize it. Also, since I occupy a corner (I can't say we share it-it's hers and I just have a desk there) and it's a therapy room, too-much of the time I am there I can't file or get in my cabinet because that would interfere with therapy. I can't make phone calls without leaving (and then having to re-enter) the room. Not that there isn't plenty to keep me busy on my computer or filling out paperwork-but I can't ever get on top of the clutter and mounds of stuff lying around.

4) My car

Although I don't mind a traveling position, I DO mind using my car, even if I get paid mileage. In addition to it being a complete mess of an office 24/7-I rack up the mileage and have frequent repairs to my car. It also creates panic mode when my car breaks down. No car, no work. It isn't like the husband can take me to work, drop me off and pick me up later. I have 5-10 stops in a day and walking isn't a viable option.

5) I'm comfortable in my position
This might be am odd reason-but I am too comfortable in my current position. I have worked as a speech therapist for 16 years and this is the very first therapy job that I have ever loved. I had an evaluation-only job and I loved it and I taught a K-2 (speech/language) classroom for 2 years and loved it. I have hated every other therapy job I have had.
Since I feel like I have finally found my niche (preschoolers!)...I want to challenge myself. The students I see now are, for the most part, what we call "speech only"--meaning no other delays. Learning/cognitive skills are normal, behavior is normal, etc. I have a few with other delays, but very few with the kinds of delays that will follow them through life. This new position has students with more delays. I want to increase my skills with this population. I want to be part of an educational team that works together all day/every day-infusing communication through every aspect of a child's development and day.

There are more reasons...but this list is probably contains the biggest ones.

I will be in the same spot all day, every day. The only scheduling issue I will have is trying to fit in all the kids in the week as more kids come (an issue in itself, but one I can handle easier.

Change is good, right? New challenges, new adventures....

Squeak!

2011-02-05T13:46:00.000-05:00

For all of her 11.4 years, Chloe (our dachshund) has been obsessed with Tennis balls. She loves them. Loves! Them! She can smell one 50 feet away-she was constantly finding them in bushes and shrubs around tennis courts in Florida. We knew that if Chloe suddenly exhibited the classic dachshund stubborness and pulled us in a straight line toward dark foliage a tennis ball had been detected. She has found or been given easily a couple hundred in 11 years. However, her obsession is one of the "pull off the yellow fuzz and eat it" variety. Sure, she loves to chase it..but eventually the fuzz is just too hard for her to ignore. For this reason we have to limit her access. She knows this and has been known to spend time at the bottom of out refrigerator (where we keep one) practicing Jedi mind tricks. Heaven help us if she perfects it.
For the first time ever, my husband has found something (other than food) that rivals the "yellow round spherical object"-as it is referred to in our house because Chloe knows the word "ball."

Meet Squeak!:

Chloe loves Squeak! She shakes him and loves on him.

Squeak! has 2 squeakers in him. One in his head and one in his tail. Chloe is determined to get those squeakers out.

But what about her Tennis ball? Is Squeak! the new love of her life? Let's see...
Giving her the choice:

At first, it seemed like Tennis ball would be her first and only love:

But Wait! She changed her mind!:

Or did she? She contemplates the situation:

THE decision:

She wants her cake and eat it, too.

What road do we go down?

2011-02-02T18:02:00.000-05:00

Lately, my husband and I have been grappling with what we should do next.

Do we try to get pregnant again naturally?
Do we look into IVF?
Do we continue to inch toward adoption?

None of these decisions are easy. With option 1, we are more than likely to fail and endure more heartbreak. But then again, I did get pregnant naturally-so something is possible. But how long do we try before we move onto something else?

IVF isn't a sure thing...and, while every penny is worth it if it results in a baby, draining our newly acquired savings and still ending up empty-handed scares me. Also, my doctor already warned me that the Reproductive Endocrinologists may demand I use donor eggs due to my age (I am on the border of the average age they require them). I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I might agree to use donor eggs if they agree to harvest my eggs, and do a FSH test (genetics) on resulting embyos and implant those as well.

Adoption has been on our minds for awhile. It is never seems to be the the right time--well, one of us would adopt tomorrow, and one if us is more hesitant and wants to wait for certain things to happen first. Also, do we struggle with adoption from foster care or go overseas? I have no illusions about adopting a newborn here in the US. It won't happen. It's a flawed system.

It's such a hard decision. Time is short.

I wish I had a crystal ball. A glimpse into the future. A sign with "pick me" hanging over the "right" choice.

I'm here

2011-01-22T23:00:00.000-05:00

I feel like I should post something "normal"...anything.....but I'm kind of at a loss right now. I can't seem to come up with any topics to write about. Nothing. I'm drawing a blank.

I'm ok. I'm dealing. I feel like I am 'back to normal' whatever that means...well, maybe not completely. There's lingering bitterness and melancholy surrounding me. I feel good and then get mad because I don't want to feel good--I want to be fat and nauseous and pregnant. It's a process. I'm moving on in life-yet a piece of me will always be stuck there.

I'm not avoiding people-but I'm not exactly doing anything. It's freaking winter-snowy and cold. I hibernate in the winter normally anyway. I may love Pittsburgh, but I'm a Florida girl at heart.

My mom calls and emails a lot. Mostly just to see how I'm doing-what's the latest from the doctor. Normal Mom stuff.
My Dad texts me daily (he's on vacation somewhere warm and tropical.) My dad's texts make me sad. He has never really expressed this much emotion towards me. I mean, he's been a hallmark card lately instead of just a Dad who is reserved in verbally expressing his emotions beyond an occasional "I love you" and I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how I'll deal when I actually see him. Probably we will all cry-which will make this that much more awkward? unreal? real? sad? hallmarky? I'm just not sure what it will be. It's nice to be loved. If only it was a happy reason for this showing.

I caused an "international incident" by my not answering my uncles phone calls for 3 days (I am accepting and intrigued with his culty, new-age, transcendental lifestyle on a normal day-but I really worried what he would say to me-he's not exactly one to think before he speaks-when he found out I was pregnant he had a bunch to say...so now that I'm not I cringed to think what his comforting words would be (for the record he didn't say a word beyond the standard accepted stuff-no talk about other realities and souls or new-agey stuff.)

I have enough work to keep me busy. Missing a week of work (oh-did I mention that I ended up with an infection and severe pain?) this time of year has me scrambling and drowning in paperwork.
I am supposedly getting a new job (well, same job-same pay-same employer-less travel) so I have to get all my paperwork done-caught up and even ahead of schedule. Oh-and the snow delays and cancellations are not helping-the weather has the unique ability to come when I have an easy day at work...a day I could get paperwork done...and I end up staying home.
So much for not doing paperwork at home.

My Christmas Tree is still up...for a variety of reasons...most of them procrastination related. Maybe one of them because the tree is so pretty and shiny. Maybe another reason because I just don't want to do the work.

So-I'm here. I'm taking this one day at a time. Hopefully, I will be inspired and write about something more uplifting soon.

This was supposed to be a different post.

2011-01-09T14:44:00.000-05:00

My last post was full of hope. It was about the new year. It was full of happy thoughts. I wrote this:

I plan on continuing to eat healthy, exercise regularly, spend wisely, decrease debt, increase savings and do things that make me happy and build my happy family.
I want to take more pictures, learn to use my new photo editing software, continue reading great books and clean that basement.
I want my walls to have framed photos on them-not just in my computer.

Above all-I want 2011 to be a wonderfully happy and memorable year.

In less than a week my happy little world collapsed. The cause of my happiness was simple. You see, after years of infertility-of no hope of getting pregnant-somehow, someway-I was.

I was 11 weeks pregnant when I wrote my new years post. We had seen the baby. We had seen the heartbeating. I was feeling some symptoms and getting a little belly. We were happy and excited and in awe of our miracle.

I was waiting for my 12 week appointment and ultrasound so I could share the joy bursting in my heart. I had multiple posts already written and ready. The joy. The thrill of tearing down of walls built by years of childlessness NOT by choice.

It wasn't meant to be. Just 2 days before my week 12 appointment, I had a miscarriage.

My world is raw and painful now. My hope and happiness gone.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T18:13:00.001-05:00

It's my one-year blogging anniversary!
Overall, I am happy with this blog. I feel like I am growing with it-learning to write better posts, selecting topics-and posting fairly regularly.
I have been quiet lately-but I promise, there is a good reason-and I have several posts sitting and waiting final editing.

Here are the goals I set for the year 2010 and how I did:

1) Adopt a child. (Become foster parent as part of process(?))
--This goal wasn't accomplished. Various reasons.
2) Exercise regularly
--I was doing great-I lost 20 pounds. I was walking 15+ miles a week. I ran a whole mile-I was working on 2 miles. Then something derailed me-and it got cold and it snowed. I am back to walking-inside and I will keep it up-but running miles-not for several months-think fall.
3) Eat healthier
-I really feel like I accomplished this goal. I eat more whole foods. I eat less processed foods. My lunches and dinners are good portions and my snacks are healthy. It isn't 100% but I feel like I am at a good place-and it isn't a struggle at all!
4) Minimize the clutter in my house
-I organized every room in the house this summer. I cleaned, I boxed up for yard sales, I donated, I scrubbed the walls even-but it doesn't feel better. For 2 reasons: 1 I live with a pack rat-who won't let me go thru his stuff. 2) the basement. 50% is the pack-rats. 25% needs gone through by me (and trashed/donated). 25% is still sitting there waiting on a yard sale
5) Grow out my nails
-I tried-and failed. It will happen-eventually.
6) Pay off my own credit cards.
-I paid off my car. I paid off half of a credit card. It's difficult with a husband who has been out of work for over a year.

I am not setting specific goals for 2011. Just general ideas:

I plan on continuing to eat healthy, exercise regularly, spend wisely, decrease debt, increase savings and do things that make me happy and build my happy family.
I want to take more pictures, learn to use my new photo editing software, continue reading great books and clean that basement.
I want my walls to have framed photos on them-not just in my computer.

Above all-I want 2011 to be a wonderfully happy and memorable year.

The year 2010-in books

2010-12-31T20:40:00.000-05:00

A copied this survey from Erin at Erinreads.com You can read her survey responses here.

Best book of 2010?

Fiction:

Sarah's Key
Nonfiction:

The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science
Young adult
The Hunger Games (The Hunger Games, #1)

2. Worst book of 2010?

The Metamorphosis, In The Penal Colony, and Other Stories

I really disliked In the Penal Colony-and found the others just ok. When I got together with my book club I actually liked the book better from their perspectives (but still hated The Penal Colony).

3. Most disappointing book of 2010?

The Year of the Flood

I may re-read this since I just read Oryx and Crake-a prequel of sorts-and liked it.

4. Most surprising (in a good way!) book of 2010?

The Housekeeper and the Professor

This book revolves around math-and I found myself fascinated by it.

5. Book you recommended to people most in 2010?

title

Schuyler's Monster: A Father's Journey with His Wordless Daughter

and

The Help

6. Best series you discovered in 2010?

The Alex Rider Series (It's young adult-but I really like it
Stormbreaker (Alex Rider, #1)

7. Favorite new authors you discovered in 2010?
Karin Slaughter

Blindsighted (Grant County, #1)

8. Most hilarious read of 2010?

Simon's Cat

Although you don't actually read this book-it's a bunch of hysterical drawings.

9. Most thrilling, unputdownable book in 2010?

Never Let Me Go

10. Book you most anticipated in 2010?

A Field Guide to Burying Your Parents

I love this author

and

Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, #3)

The finale-it was all I expected it to be!

11. Favorite cover of a book you read in 2010?

Catching Fire (The Hunger Games, #2)

and

The Housekeeper and the Professor

12. Most memorable character in 2010?
Katniss Everdeen
The Hunger Games (The Hunger Games, #1)
13. Most beautifully written book in 2010?

title

Oh My Stars

14. Book that had the greatest impact on you in 2010?

Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, a Man Who Would Cure the World

15. Book you can’t believe you waited UNTIL 2010 to finally read?

Emily of New Moon (Emily, #1)

I loved her Anne of Green Gables series!

Your Turn!

What would your picks be?

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T10:28:00.002-05:00

My Favorite Tree

2010-12-21T11:21:00.000-05:00

This tree is one of 3 identical trees in my family. No one remembers who made them. Mine has the name "Pearl" on the bottom-possibly meaning my great (or great great) aunt Pearl. I think my Dad's does, too. They are passed from generation to generation. My Dad has one (from my great-grandma), my Aunt has one (from my grandma's sister (?))...and this one was my grandparents. It now sits in my bedroom so I can fall asleep to it's light. Growing up, it was always my favorite Christmas tree.
It still is.

Where's Molly?

2010-12-05T11:17:00.001-05:00

Growing up I knew I had a great-uncle who wasn't "right." He is there in my early memories from when I traveled with my grandparents to see their mothers. Uncle Bob was my grandfather's brother. He lived with his mother. I knew something was "wrong" with him...but I was a child. I didn't really understand. When she died (I was 9) he went to live in some type of residential facility. I don't know why, except that my grandparents were already caring for my grandmother's mother and I don't think they felt they could care for him, too. I am sure, knowing my grandparents, this was planned out and agreed upon with his mother. I visited him once with my grandparents a few years later. My grandparents kept in touch with him through phone calls and as many visits as they could-at least yearly (we lived in Pittsburgh and he lived, I think, in St. Louis-or somewhere relatively nearby.) They talked about him. A few years ago I saw him in a picture, and pointed him out to my siblings. It was at that moment I realized he had Down Syndrome. To my adult mind, it explained everything in an instant.

Working in special education you hear of how things "used to be." That children with disabilities were routinely sent away to institutions, never seen again. I admire my family for refusing to do that to Uncle Bob. They realized that Down Syndrome made him who he was-and that he was a part of the family no matter what. I am sure it was difficult-in a time when a disabled child was a stigma.

I knew my Uncle Bob. My grandfather new his brother. My Dad knew his uncle.

I can't imagine how I would feel if I didn't even know about him and then finding out years later he was institutionalized his whole life. Alone.

What would I have done? What would you have done?

There is a documentary about this topic. You can learn about it here.
You can read the story here. (keep tissues handy)

www.wheresmolly.net

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T10:15:00.000-05:00

Have a great day! Eat all you want!
Take time to remember what you are most thankful for.

Memories

2010-11-20T20:14:00.000-05:00

Funerals are never easy.
I have been to a few. Not as many as some people. Definitely more that I wish.

I went to my grandparents funerals in June and then September. Because the funerals were held where they grew up (St. Louis) yet lived in Pittsburgh for over 50 years the family held a Memorial Service in November for their friends and our family.
I am not going to lie-it wasn't easy. Even though they lived full lives (93 and 94 years old). Even though they both were not well for years.
But-is it ever?

There were bright spots amongst the sadness:
Family I had not seen in years came. I'm the oldest grandchild so I knew them all (even if I was a child the last I saw them).
I got to revisit memories that had long since been buried.
I shocked some people at my memory. I knew who neighbors of my great-grandmother were-and asked about their children (all my age). I remembered the woman who helped take care of my great-grandma--even if she didn't remember me at first (I had grown-a lot). I remembered many stories about her (she sued an internationally well known company because they continuously promoted men over her--men she trained. She won.) I remembered them and was able to tell my siblings and cousins all the info they ever needed to know :)

The very best part, however, was something embedded in all of the services. A time of remembrances. Rather than have someone perform a Eulogy-a life story was read about each (combined at the Memorial). Then, the people gathered were asked to speak up about their memories of them. Stories, details, anything. This was new to me--as I said, I haven't gone to many funerals-but none of them offered this. My uncle, a minister, presided over all 3 services. I know his family religion is the origin of this. I loved it. Friends, family and others spoke up.

I heard so many stories. Some I already knew. Many I didn't
Some that just reflected my grandparents personality so much we all chuckled because we could imagine the scene perfectly.
3 men who used to work with my grandfather came to the memorial.
I learned that my Grandfather created their pension from scratch-and made it 100% iron clad so the company couldn't touch or change it in any way. These men were so thankful-and said that he touched so many lives by doing this-even though those people didn't know him.

I learned my Grandma designed and (had) built a house for them-and the day it was finished-my grandfather got transferred. She never got to live in her dream house.

I learned my Dad, Uncle, Aunt and their cousins had a tomato fight in the (finished) basement of my great-grandmother's house.

There were so many stories. I need to document them.
They are gone-but memories remain. Memories I don't want to forget.

I hope, when I am gone, there are wonderful memories of me to share.

Insanity

2010-11-15T13:38:00.001-05:00

My husband thinks I am insane. and maybe I am.
I peruse the pictures of kids in foster care that are potentially available for adoption monthly. It's an obsession. It's a huge obsession-I want right now to start the process. Actually, I wish it was already started. I have criteria established-basically age and what level/kind of (any) "issues" we could handle.

So, he was not surprised when I shoved the computer at him and said, "Look-I want to adopt them-and I am serious."

He was not surprised at that. I have pointed out several children before. Usually to get him thinking about starting the process-because it can take awhile to even get approved-and "those children" will most likely be adopted...or older than we want to adopt.

He was surprised at what I showed him-a sibling group. Not of 2...or 3 siblings...but 4 siblings. 4 perfectly adorable siblings under our age criteria. 4 children with "issues" that appear reasonable (it's foster care people-there are always issues) 4 siblings who I know I would love. 1 stop shopping. 1 crazy adoption process. 4 beautiful kids? 4 beautiful related-look alike-kids!

He thinks I am insane- and I am. But, we could do this, right?

Ok-I admit. The dreaming side of me is insane. The reality side of me is trying to comprehend housing, feeding and clothing them with our budget-- from zero to 4 kids overnight. all at once? but the dreaming side has me-well, dreaming. All night I dreamed of them.

I am insane. But.....what if we could do this?

For now, I will dream....

A running update

2010-11-14T12:43:00.000-05:00

The good:
I can run a mile consistently. I DO run a mile consistently. I typically walk a mile, then run, then walk the rest-totaling 4 miles.
I worked up to 1.5 miles and was ready to move on and then got something-a mild cold, an allergy overload-something-which had me take a couple days off and then walk only for a day or so--and I was back to struggling to go over a mile.

The bad(?)

-I am really only running on mostly downhill graded trails. It isn't 100% downhill and you don't really notice the incline-it usually looks flat. It has just been the way it is-not by design untilthis weekend. Since I need a mile warm up-and that's the way the trail is.

I have started attempting to run as much of my "easiest" neighborhood walk-which has some hills. I do this on the days I can't get home before dark (and therefore trail running is out) and I don't have time/desire for my long neighborhood walk with the steep hills. I need to be able to run hills-I feel like I struggle more than I should-so it's a mini monster I am battling.

Also, I am so uncoordinated I never seem to get into a groove-I feel like I am just plodding along-and that I will fall flat on my face any minute. I envy those who run with ease. I just--don't. My pace varies and I just can't figure out how to work on making this steady and easy. If I have to adjust something (the ipod, lapping my stopwatch on my phone) I feel like I am flailing about. I mean I am so clumsy I tripped over the computer cord (again) and walked by my husband and knocked over several things on the end table with an empty laundry basket (again). Within an hour-Yestderday. Recently, when running, I hit my ankle with the heel of my other show-causing a bruise. Which bothered me for 2 weeks. Any tips?

So my 2 goals now are:
increase my running distance
increase my abiity to run hills

So-on goal # 1:
I decided to split a longer run on the trail-something I don't have time for now with this time change during the week. In order to increase my distance-I looked at the trail and decided to go with another section of the trail with more downhill incline than up.
Yesterday, I walked 1.2 miles, ran 1.8, walked 1.8, ran 1 mile and walked .2 (3 miles out and back on the Montour trail-conveniently sectioned out for me).
I figured this is the best way to increase my distance and time...and this will increase my endurance. Over time, I will run the entire 2.8 without a walking break.

Goal #2: My "daily" 1 mile+ will be in the opposite direction. To up my hills (and really, it's only a slight grade-that's what Bothers me about how much I struggle!) and I will continue attempting to run my "easy walk" neighborhood route-

The Ugly:
My shoes. They are driving me crazy. They have been wonderful in keeping me from being injured-and allowing me to actually run. But something is just not right with them anymore.
The left foot is mostly good. I have to adjust the way it is tied it a little-not much. Not worries. It is the right foot that is insane. If you look at both feet. The right laces are pulled so much closer than the left. They must be tight-but over the bone in my foot-not tight-not loose. Where I tie them they have to be loose to allow movement-firmly tied hurts. If the shoes are not exactly right-my knee clicks. and clicks. and clicks. I had to adjust them 4 times the other day-and they still weren't right. I don't have enough miles on these shoes to say they are worn out. Throwing them in the washer helps. I only had to adjust them once after the last wash. I think they are stretching out over a week or two. I need new shoes. I need to go back to the running store and get re-fitted. I know this. But money's tight-so I will make due.

I need a Nike+ sensor, too because I am obsessed with timing my walks and runs--and keeping track of the distance. My current method is not my favorite-since it's my phone and any calls stop it.

Since I am new to running-does anyone have any tips?

Happy Halloweenie!

2010-10-31T19:48:00.000-04:00

Pink

2010-10-30T19:12:00.001-04:00

As October winds down the pink is slowly fading from view I can't help being relieved. Every pink ribbon is a gut punch and reminds me of how many people I know affected by this horrible disease. I don't need any reminders. They are ever present in my head.

My mother-in-law died when my husband was 16 from it.
His grandmother (paternal) had it when she died at 94.
One of my friends is in remission (thankfully it was caught very very early)
A coworker (from a previous job) has had 2 battles with it.
A friend's mom died from it.
My great aunt (grandma's sister) died from breast cancer.
Her daughters have battled it.
I have had more than one scare myself. I have had 2 surgeries to remove (benign) lumps and tissue. I have had mammograms every year for 10+ years (some years 2 or 3). I have had cysts show up-and disappear (or that would have meant surgery #3). Every month I worry I will feel something.

I am scared one day it won't be benign.

I think pink all year-not just October.

October is Breast Cancer awareness month

Advice to myself

2010-10-23T22:48:00.001-04:00

A few days ago, Kelle at Enjoying the Small Things posed the question "What would you tell your 13 year-old self?" This questions has stuck with me over the last few days and here is my response. I chose each of these, no matter how silly some seem, because I know by changing them it would have had a serious butterfly affect in my life:

Dear Self;
Grow your hair long. Trust me. You hate your hair now. You will hate every single hair style until you grow it out. Start now. Put it in barrettes or pull back the top into a ponytail during the long awkward stage (and it will be long.) Growing your hair long will give you more confidence. It will fit your tendency to sleep until (and past) the very last second possible to get to school. It will solve so many problems.

Wear your contacts. I know they are new. I know that the doctor told you to wear them 1 hour today-and increase by 15 minutes each day until you can wear them 12 hours--which is an impossible feat for someone in school. Ignore him. Wear them all day. Take them out when you get home, if you must. Carry your glasses as a back-up (but you'll probably never wear them outside the house again.)

Do well in school. I know-that's what the parents say. I know you can barely do the work or study and get decent grades. But you have a brain. Use it to really excel in all classes. It will make your choices later easier. Math and science are tough, yes. But you have a brain and eventually you will see they are fascinating-even if they don't have a plot like books do.

Take Spanish-not French or German. Also, become an exchange student. Do it. You want to.

Pay attention to the world around you. The parents expect you to learn about the many career choices, life skills and street smarts at school or on your own. You need to take charge of this. Tell them what you need to learn. Make them take you to colleges to visit. Explore careers. Microbiology, Meteorology, Astronomy, Radiology, Computers, physical therapy, etc. Learn how to invest. Learn everything you can.

Talk to both parents about issues. Dad doesn't really talk to Mom much. He says things that are not really 100% true. He thinks he knows what is best for you. It isn't always. It will backfire on him..and ultimately you-so prevent it by making sure YOU talk to each parent about stuff. Don't assume that one agrees with the other just because "he or she" says so. Usually one lacks information. Decisions might not always change-but I know some will.

Exercise and eat healthy. Go to the doctor and request inhalers for your "mild" asthma. Life will be so much better. No more 3 month colds. You can breathe when you exercise. Try out for the cheerleading squad this year. You will make it.

Go to a college away from home. Ignore Dad. He only wants you to go "there" because he gets a discount. It's a great school-but you need to get away (see below) and experience college life more.

Date him. Then move on. Move on. You need more time. You need to experience life more. You need maturity. I won't lecture here-just trust me. If you do nothing else I say--do this.

Don't get involved in/with drama llamas. High school girls are awful. Don't let them in your head.
High school is not like the rest of your life.

Stay in touch with your friends.

Save money. Spend wisely. Don't get in debt.
Invest a bunch in Apple, Inc.

You are beautiful.

Have fun.

What would you say to your 13 year-old self?

Fragmented visions

2010-10-19T19:48:00.001-04:00

When I was young (some time under 9), I traveled with my grandparents to visit my great-grandmothers several times. My grandfather's mother lived in a house with hardwood floors. It was very clean, very neat, and shiny. There was a big porch out front. This is about all I remember, except my grandfather's brother lived with her. My memory is a little fuzzy-but I have clear pictures of "Uncle Bob" standing behind my great-grandmother's chair. I clearly remember him standing there. Looking at me.
In my memory he moved once. He moved-took a couple steps to come around the chair and was immediately reprimanded and returned to his standing position.
My memories are truly only a brief snapshot of that time. I was a young child. Perhaps the reprimand makes it stand out. Uncle Bob didn't really stand there the whole time. But that's what exists in my memory. What also exists in this memory is the fact that I knew he was different-but couldn't figure it out. He looked like he wanted to play with me-but wouldn't/couldn't. It's hard to explain. I knew he wasn't "normal" but no one told me why. I knew he was "slow" He was shorter-not the height of the men in my life (over 6 feet)-taller than my friends-but not tall enough for "an adult." I think I was kind of nervous/scared around him (perhaps because of how the adults acted)

I saw him another time. He lived in an institution (?) after his mother died when I was 9. We (my grandparents and I) visited him there. I remember he came out and was happy to see us. I remember pepto-bismal walls That's it.

Fragmented visions.

I know I used to have more memories of him. I would list him in my list of extended family. I would ask how he was. I visited him before age 9 several times.
I was sad when they told me he died 18 years ago.
Sadly, time has erased most of the few memories I had.

I never knew he had Down Syndrome until 3 years ago-looking through old family pictures.

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month.

Things this week that...

2010-10-09T21:46:00.000-04:00

Things list week that caught my attention:

1) A man walking his dog using a Segway. A Pomeranian. That he had to pick up half-way down the trail (A 2-mile portion of the Montour Trail)

2) A woman on a cell phone walking while pushing her large dog in a stroller.

3) A Ten-dollar bill blowing down the street (Mine now!)

4) Actively avoiding 4 accidents because other people
-ran a red light (He got tired of waiting for it to turn green and went anyway-even thought it was the opposing traffic's turn. where was he going? The Sub shop on the opposite Corner)
-Looked only one way before pulling out into traffic
-Pulled into my lane (in the spot my car was currently occupying)
- once again someone runs the stop sign at the beginning of my street when I am turning in. The cops could make their monthly quota here on my short, out of the way street.

5) I think my brother and mother drunk called me last night-giggling over some foreclosures "I should buy" in Florida. I am not sure which is worse-that they were drunk-or that they weren't.

A simple reminder

2010-10-06T21:54:00.000-04:00

It is no secret that marriage is tough. I used to think once you married the guy you didn't have to continue to do anything-that once the ceremony was over we all lived happily ever after.
Now as a grown-up, I know that one has to put effort into maintaining and growing as a couple. It is easy to let things slide, to put off "us" time and give in to the grind of daily life.

Lately, my husband and I have had a lot of difficulty. Not marriage ending difficulties-but more stress than a couple should deal with (infertility, money, he is out of work and the job search is not going well, illness and more). We are very different in expressing our feelings. He is quiet and reserved. I am not. I like to snuggle. He tolerates it. You get the idea. There are fleeting moments when I wonder how he really feels.

Then, out of the blue, something happens to remind me that he may not say the words or like cuddling-but he shows how he feels in other ways.

This was waiting for me when I got home after my book club tonight:

My husband thought about me-and that it was dark-and turned on the porch light.

This is not the first time. In fact, every single time I leave when it is light out and return when it is dark-the porch light has been turned on.
Every. Single. Time.

I can't say I have done that for him...

Thanks for the reminder, honey. I love you, too.

Cross this off my bucket list!

2010-09-29T19:57:00.001-04:00

I ran my first whole mile today. Ever.

This may not seem like a big thing to you-but to me it is monumental.

Having unmedicated asthma and severe airborne allergies-sports were never my thing.
I wanted to run, but was never successful.
The farthest I have run in the past was 440 yards. (1/4 mile / 1 time around a track)-and that was after a couple months of trying.

Now, with asthma and allergies controlled and a strong desire to succeed, I am attempting to run again. It has not been easy. I tried the Couch to 5K program. I never even made it past Week 1.
I didn't have the right shoes and got patellar tendonitus. My knee became too stiff to walk steps easily.

I gave up twice and let my body heal-and bought new shoes. I lost 10 pounds.

I have great motivators, however, via Twitter and daily mile. My friends run. 5K, 10K and half-marathons. I want that. (at least the 5K part).

This summer I have walked several times a week. Faster and Faster. I began running the short blocks here and there on my route that was flat. I increased my running. I made sure to have lots of rest days and "just walking" days.

Today, I ran a whole mile on a flat trail. I walked the mile back-telling myself the whole time to take it easy because I really wanted to run intervals back.

I am sure I will hurt tomorrow. The muscles above my ankles/lower part of shin burned the last part of the run.

It will be worth it! It felt great! I can't wait to do it again!

PCPgh5

2010-09-27T12:46:00.001-04:00

I did it! I attended PodCamp Pittsburgh this year!
I signed up early-and wavered back and forth about actually attending. I really wanted to go-but dreaded two things:
1) Not knowing people-and afraid that everyone would know everyone else and I would just be lost...I was feeling out of place-and out of my league-I have this little blog-and I am on Twitter--but I am but a speck in the whole blogosphere and twitteruniverse. A tiny speck.
2) Telling my husband where I was going-he is SO NOT into the whole social media movement. (well I didn't dread telling him where I was going-but dreaded having to listen to what he would say about it all....) He refuses to have a facebook page and sees no use for twitter or blogs. It will take someone else to convince him of the wonders to be found and the friends to be made using social media.

Then, I realized that some of my tweeps were going to be there and I could hide with them until I felt comfy. In reality-this didn't happen much-but I managed and struck up conversations with some great people. I fake being outgoing (Fake it until you make it!) pretty well-but inside I am scanning for the best hiding places!

As for the husband-he still doesn't get it, but took the reason for my absence from our weekly ritual of watching of WVU football without saying much-and even texted me updates from the game.

I learned so much and met some amazing people-too many to list. Too many to remember. I met some new people:

I met @tallcathy (Kiss 96.1) and Secret Agent L (Notable because (squee!) both are taller than me-a rare thing for me at 5'9"!)
I met @unclecrappy (He encouraged me to come via twitter when I was waffling!)
I met 2 of the BitchBurgh women (one of whom I share an odd allergy with (Wormy) and one (hotmama) who helped me more than she knows by talking to me when I was waiting for things to start!)
I discovered that one of my tweeps was family. Which was great and funny all at once!

I went to great presentations by @burghbaby, @secretagentL, @justinkownacki, @bitchburg and others! I learned a lot and definitely plan on returning next year!

My favorite quote from Podcamp?:
She loves people and puppies-more than shoes and handbags...
----SecretAgentL

I am so glad I went!

God Bless Southwest

2010-09-23T21:12:00.001-04:00

It was like a movie-the Southwest airline worker asked for our Driver's License and all 3 of ours hit the counter at the exact same time-in a little circle. This was closely followed by a credit card-landing right in the middle. The Airline worker is yelling across the room to "hold the plane!" as another airline worker was about to shut the door to the jetwalk and my brother, sister and I are all panting and apologizing to the many people in line that we cut in front of and not even caring where this plane is going-as long as it is going to St. Louis.

My brother, sister and I were flying to St. Louis to our grandfather's funeral.

A funeral that had family visitation in 3.5 hours.

And our flight had been canceled.

We were supposed to be flying on USAir. We arrived at the airport early and cleared security. We sat in a bar and loaded the terrified to fly sister up with some liquid courage. We bantered back and forth as siblings do-keeping our thoughts well away from the reason for this trip. Then, things went south.

The parents had flown out to St. Louis on the exact same USAir flight the day before to take care of the few remaining funeral arrangement details that had to be done in person. Except the flight was canceled due to engine trouble and they ended up sitting in Chicago, finally getting to St. Louis around 9pm-long after the cemetery and funeral home had closed.

45 minutes before takeoff the phone calls started. My Dad, very stressed, was calling because our flight was reporting a delay. At the gate it was still reading "on time". I nicely approached the worker and asked him about the flight-using the words we know what happened yesterday and we have to be at the funeral (visitation) tonight. He was nice and said that the plane was fixed and flying in from Hartford-and was running late but we would be out on time. 10 minutes later the board registers a 15 minute delay. My brother approaches him this time. He knows our situation, he says, and this plane is fine and just behind schedule. The flight arrives and some of the passengers get off. 10 minutes later, they make the remaining passengers (who were going on to St. Louis) get off. Then the flight attendants and pilots get off. The status changes to "delayed" and the airline worker disappears. This is bad. We hear words like "engine trouble" floating around. WE are the only ones who know this is the same damn plane as yesterday that had the same damn problem. WE are not happy. WE know this is not good.

My brother goes directly to the source-the pilot. He talks to him for about 30 seconds and then walks to the Customer Service Desk down the hall. 5 minutes pass and he calls and tells me to grab the sister all of our bags and RUN. Our flight is canceled and there is a Southwest Flight boarding now-leaving in 4 minutes. I grab sis and our bags and take off. She asks what's going on and I loudly yell to her (and the entire waiting room) It is canceled. We have to go NOW!

So-if you were in the airport around 2:15 Tuesday you saw 3 adults running as fast as they could-bags in hand-through the concourse. In the middle of this-MY phone rings. It is our Dad. I answered the phone, dropping my brothers water bottle and my purse and yell "WHAT? I am running as fast as I can!! We have 2 minutes to get on this plane or we are not making it to St. Louis tonight!" Dead silence on the other end-and then a "call me when you know if you can get on a flight".

We have no idea where to go other than "Concourse B" So I run up to the first desk and ask for help, gasping and out of breath (asthma-I felt fine-just sounded bad). The Southwest person was immediately helpful. She asked what was wrong-and told us she could help us-the flight behind her was the one we wanted. She calmly stopped what she was doing and started working on our problem-while letting the long line (of nice and understanding travelers going somewhere else-thank you, btw!) know that our situation required her immediate attention. In 5 minutes we had tickets, a flight number and the knowledge we would stop in Chicago on this plane-but not get off-and were on the plane-door closed and getting our pre-flight directions (exit doors, etc.) I was on the phone-literally standing at the plane-touching it-while on the phone with my Dad letting him know the flight details-and that our return flight needed rebooked because USAir canceled our entire tickets. I am not even sure if we GOT paper tickets-all I had was receipts for paying for them.

There were other hiccups-but all of them mild in comparison: A windy Chicago delayed our take off for awhile...my bag wouldn't fit in the overhead (I was last on the plane) and asked then to "check" it-they did but I had no idea that meant I had to go to baggage claim to get it-another delay.

We kept sis fairly liquored up and I asked a couple of people to move on the plane so we could sit together (or THEY would have to deal with her :) ) and they complied-and wouldn't even let me bye them a drink! I kept her mind occupied on the first leg-and handed her off the the brother for the second leg. By some small miracle we encountered ZERO traffic during rush hour.

In the end, we arrived at the hotel about 60-90 minutes later than we first planned-but we were at the funeral home for the majority of the Visitation. Which, considering the alternative (late night arrival) was great.

Thank God I had that double shot of Tequila!

My Grandpa

2010-09-19T20:57:00.004-04:00

My grandpa:

-was the most honest and ethical man you would ever meet.

-was meticulous, methodical, a perfectionist, patient and kind.
Everything had it's place. He picked up microscopic pieces of lint of the freshly vacuumed floor. Recently, my dad found a file labeled "raincoat" in a filing cabinet full of stuff of my grandfathers-work stuff, bills, etc. He expected to find a warranty for some kind of raincoat. Inside this paper thin file was-a perfectly folded vinyl raincoat. I found a book about math or chemistry or some science today of his today when sorting a box looking for pictures to take to St. Louis. His printing was the neatest printing I have ever seen. It resembled a type writer. The drawings were perfect and exact. There were no eraser marks, no pages missing.

-wore bolo ties and "Mr. Rogers" sweaters. Wore slacks every day. He wore a suit coat and hat when he went out. I never saw him in khakis or jeans-even when doing any type of work around the house.

-collected stamps (and some coins).

-would not let me walk on the (paved) driveway in bare feet. There is a picture somewhere of me with one foot in the grass and one on the driveway looking at him with a glint in my eye.

-started at a chemical company (now Bayer) as a washer of beakers and test tubes while going to college. He retired as Treasurer.

-loved my grandmother. I have pictures of him looking adoringly at her throughout their life together.

-was a gentle, patient man. Never raised his voice to us grandkids-even when obviously annoyed with us.

-was my only grandfather. I have 4 grandmothers that I remember (both of my parent's parents and their parents (in other words-my grandma and great-grandma-from both sides of my family). But only 1 grandfather exists in my memories. The rest were gone before I was born.

My grandpa died yesterday. He joins my grandma, his wife of over 60 years, who died 3 months ago .
He lived a wonderful life. The last couple years he has steadily declined and had his ups and downs, good days and bad days. He was 94. I was blessed to have him as a grandfather.

I miss him...

I blinked....

2010-09-17T21:48:00.000-04:00

I blinked...
-and it is almost fall. It seems like just a few weeks ago Snowmageddon occurred and we had almost 2 feet of snow overnight.

-3 weeks ago it was HOT and HUMID!. 90's! The kind of hot where you want to stay in the shade!

-So hot I wore a dress to work it was so hot (me sitting on the floor playing with preschoolers all day is not exactly dress up time).

-Now, I see the trees are turning to golds and red-no longer "just 1 or 2"-but most have some spots of change.

-There are leaves all over my yard-laying on still blooming flowers and green grass.

-I saw Halloween decorations in yards today.

-My husband suggested taking the air conditioners out of the windows.

-I love the colors of fall
-I love the smells of autumn
-I love halloween
-I love football weather

-It was what I missed most when we lived in Florida

-Now, what I miss most is warm, sunny, hot weather.

-Could we just skip winter this year? Huh? Just once? No daytime temperatures below 60? Lots of sun? No snow? No cold rainy icky yucky days? No ice? No dead landscape? None of it. I don't think anyone would miss it this year...Please?

YouTube Finds

2010-09-02T20:04:00.000-04:00

Some feel good videos.....

My absolute favorite Simon's Cat video. Classic.

This cat doesn't move...but each fram he gets closer..and closer

The non-facebook questionairre

2010-08-29T20:11:00.000-04:00

There is this list of questions going around the blog-o-sphere. And since someone actually asked me to fill it out--I am...

Do you think that Chicory Blue:
…likes British accents? Yes. Oh my. Yes.
…likes blue eyes? I used to have blue eyes and blonde hair...then came puberty. I love blue eyes (which is ironic considering I have never even once dated a man with blue eyes)
… is part of the Mile-High Club? I can hardly fit in the seats/bathroom/stand up in a plane-what do you think?
…can cook? Yes-I do better when I have a recipe to follow...
…has ever failed a class? Yes-but not because I didn't know the material-I quit the class but didn't withdrawl
…is a good driver? Yes--but I hate to drive in unknown places, traffic, when there is a concrete wall/barrier and no shoulder or in the snow...so yes unless any of those are occurring-then I am probably that SLOW driver you hate!
…has good taste? I think I do-isn't that what counts?
…recycles dirty underwear? No.
…will do anything to get what she wants? Depends on the "want". There are a select few things I would do anything for...
…should pass on the chocolate cake? I should-but I won't.
…is hot?No-this chick loved living in Florida and misses the weather every.single.day.
…thinks shopping at Walmart is classy? hahahahahahaha
…has ever slapped anyone? Yes..I am sure I have once or twice-always a man-always deserved it-never slapped them hard enough though.
…spends more than an hour on Facebook every day? No-I pretty much check my friends updates and go...
…has ever skinny dipped?No-the opportunity never came up-seriously.
…has ever eaten a booger? No.
…is a jerk? Isn't everyone at one time?
…has ever stolen money from friends? No
…has ever cheated on a test? Yes. I seem to recall passing French because I sat next to someone who knew the language during the final in highschool
…was a dork in high school? Yes-all 3 of them.
…has ever lied to avoid a date?Hmm? Probably.
…is fun to be around? I am sure it depends on the other persons' point of view
…is cute? No. cute is for children and pets.

Hiking with Chloe

2010-08-28T21:01:00.002-04:00

4+ foot black snake (nonpoisonous)

We walked a ways through the woods and into a field:

and then down a hill and across another field to a monument.
Those little legs get tired....

Please say some prayers and think happy thoughts...as I was posting this----a couple hours after we got home--Chloe hurt her back (? or hip) playing ball....we are watching her now-and a vet trip seems imminent.
UPDATE: She is walking somewhat better today-especially after she gets going...so we decided to let her rest and call our regular vet tomorrow.

We went walking....

2010-08-26T13:01:00.000-04:00

Books!

2010-08-24T23:20:00.000-04:00

Surprisingly, I have read over 50 book so far this year. Here are my favorites (so far):

Sarah's Key, Tatiana de Rosney
This book is set in both current day and World War II. While researching for an article she is writing, woman tries to find out what happened to Jewish family who occupied her husband's families apartment prior to their ownership. She find that the young girl of the family (Sarah) was the only survivor-she finds out how her husband's family and Sarah's are connected.

The Brain that Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, Norman Doidge
I loved this non-fiction book because it shows you how people overcame serious issues with forward-thinking doctors.

Best Easy Day Hikes-Pittsburgh, Bob Frye
This book has many great hikes usually 1-3 miles in length in parks in the Pittsburgh area.

Oh My Stars, Lorna Landvik
I think the last paragraph of the Goodreads description says it best: "It is a tale of love and hope, bigotry and betrayal, loss and discovery–as Violet, who’s always considered herself a minor character in her own life story, emerges as a heroine you’ll laugh with, cry with, and, most important, cheer for all the way."

Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, The Man Who Would Cure the World, Tracy Kidder
This is the story of a doctor who sees problems in Haiti-and fixes them. He went to Haiti at 23 and began treating the poorest of the poor. He has since developed a model health care system and hospital (for the area of Haiti he lives in) and solves many problems simply. Written before this years earthquake-I would love to know if/how his area was affected and his solutions-truly a great man.

Those Who Save Us, Jenna Blum
Set in World War II Germany-it's a story of a woman and her struggle to survive in war-torn Germany. A survivor of the holocaust-from a different angle, a German woman. She falls in love with a Jewish man-then, pregnant and alone she finds refuge in a bakery-who makes some hard choices and struggles to live with them.

Simon's Cat, Simon Tofield
-This is just a fun book! A book of cartoons about Simon's Cat of youTube fame. I swear I know a cat just like him!

A Field Guide to Burying Your Parents, Liza Palmer
Grace is leading a good life-great job, house and boyfriend, however, she has a secret-her family. When her father is in the hospital she finally goes home-to face her family and herself. not quite Chick-Lit...Not quite novel-somewhere in between.
I love another book by this author (Seeing Me Naked) even more!-

Matterhorn: A Vietnam War Novel, Karl Marlantes
-Definitely a book I would read again. It appears realistic (I say appears because having never been a soldier I can't say 100% for sure). I am not into war books but this one grabbed me and pulled me through the thick book- I had to stop and read the (very thorough) glossary to make sure I understood at times-but it didn't really hamper the story-or my reading ease. It held my attention all the way through and I reluctantly put it down when I was finished. I wanted to know how it turned out for some characters. It is as much about the soldiers as it is about how war is directed-with the higher ups phoning in orders from safe locations and having no clue what is actually going on in reality.

Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro
-This book is about a young girl at what at first appears to be some type of boarding school/orphanage...but you eventually find out the truth...Told from the "present" when the main character meets up again with her private school friends. It's chilling when you, the reader, realize the truth about their lives. I heard recently this is being made into a movie.

Night of Many Dreams, Gail Tsukiyama
-The fact that I love this book isn't a big surprise to me-she is one of my favorite authors and there are only a couple that are not appealing to me. this is a coming of age novel set in hong Kong-the story of 2 sisters during and after World War II.

What are your favorites read (so far) in 2010?

What's for Dinner?

2010-08-21T18:46:00.000-04:00

Here is what I made for dinner tonight. You could substitute ground chicken or turkey or vegetarian crumbles OR black beans and refried beans. Sorry-no pictures.

Mexican Casserole

1 lb. hamburger
1 package Taco Seasoning (I use the less sodium, no msg one)
1 can diced tomatoes
1 box frozen corn, defrosted
1 cup shredded cheese
2 boxes Jiffy corn Muffin mix

Brown the Hamburger. Drain the fat. Add in Seasoning, tomatoes and corn. Simmer until warmed through. Place in a casserole dish.

Prepare the Corn muffin mixes per the box (1 egg and 1/3 cup milk for each box), adding a little more milk so the mixture is pourable.
Pour onto the hamburger mixture in the casserole dish-so that it covers the mixture.
Top with Shredded cheese.

Bake at 400 for 30 minutes. Check to make sure the Cornbread is cooked all the way through in the center-bake in 5 minute intervals if more time is needed.

Serves 6 (?) (There are 2 are us and we probably have leftovers for 2 nights)

Variations: add in chiles, black beans, use Salsa instead of diced tomatoes. Add more cheese on top for the last 5 minutes to get a gooey effect.

Embracing Me

2010-08-18T22:25:00.000-04:00

The lovely and talented jayesel wrote on her blog about “Imposter Syndrome”and how we seem to doubt our own selves and what we are good at. It's a good read-so go read it and then come back.

She asked her readers to come up with a list of 7 things we are good and be proud:

7 Things I Do Well:

1) I am a kick-ass speech therapist for preschool-aged children.

2) I am a good Navigator. I am in charge of getting us to and from points unknown-and the various detours to take if a turn is missed.

3) I have a great memory, especially auditory memory. I am famous for repeating verbatim conversations-especially when someone else is in error.

4) I am a good reader. I devour books, magazines, labels-anything.

5) I take good pictures. Hence the reason I am not in any-I take them ALL.

6) I am a good and supportive wife. You'll just have to trust me on the reasons for this one.

7) I am a good flower gardener. My yard is always in bloom during the summer.

Continue Jayesel's challenge! What are you good at? Post your own list!!